Monday, April 14, 2014

Would you prefer the bag or the gun?

As an aside before I get down to the icing on the cake (yep, I'm on a roll today, buckle up), any of you who know me know I am a fan of self-deprecating humor and backhanded compliments, so it should come as no shock I am a huge fan of Game of Thrones, and the Queen Bitch Regent herself, Cersei know, minus the twincest she has going on with her brother because, well, I really feel like I don't need to spell that one out. And while I won't spoil last night's absolutely amazing episode for you, I will say that if Westeros was a real place, you could not pay me enough to go to a wedding there. However, you could probably pay me enough to proffer my services as a caker (cake baker, all about the made up words). I just would have to have my minions deliver the cake to said wedding. Yes, had I been born to more affluent stock, I totally see myself as the kind of person who would have minions (mhm, totally ignored that red flag). No disrespect to my lovely Midwestern parents, who (at no point that I know of) never tried to marry me off to some total stranger from a far away land. I'm just saying, the minions may have made it worth the deal.

So, back to that icing I was talking about earlier. Oh, and the title of this post. I'm all about shortcuts for the most part, unless I'm trying to fold a fitted sheet. Then there's just no easy way. There's cursing and an inevitable point where I break and decide fitted sheets look best balled up and shoved into the linen closet. This was a lot like my experience with trying to use a frosting gun. Combining two of my favorite things, frosting AND guns, this seemed so absolutely perfect and a great foray tool into my frosting excellence.

That thing in the middle of the counter that looks like an extremely girly, purple caulking gun...well, take a guess. was not. The tips were HUGE (that's what she said), so there was virtually no control over the amount of goop that came out of the damn thing (again, that's what she said). Shells were TOTALLY not happening with this gun. And for anyone who's interested, shells are one of the most common icing decorations you find on cakes. They're usually what makes up the pretty border that goes around the bottom and top of the cake. Kinda something I have to know how to do, or this all goes to hell. However, I will say one thing for the purple people eater (name stays- Go Vikes), it makes some massively awesome stars:

Big star thanks to the purple people eater, tiny stars thanks to actual frosting bag and smaller tip, awesome frosting dye color choices thanks to meeeeee.
But that was about all I can give the gun props for. Otherwise, frosting bags all the way, baby. I was able to use much better precision with the tips from Wilton and their disposable frosting bags...I have a few nicer bags, but I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to use the non-disposable kind until I'm some sort of respectable caker. Poor bags, it is gonna be awhile. So after about an hour of practice, I went from totally sucking to not being the worst thing to happen to cakes since...wait, has anything bad ever happened in the history of cakes? The invention of carrot cake, maybe? Yeah, I'm not THAT bad. As you can see, I made progress on my shells:
Bottom layer: first go round. Looks like 3rd grader ate can of frosting and tried to ice in a straight line while blindingly being fueled by massive sugar high. Top layer: after 3rd grader took a nap and calmed the eff down, she was able to figure out overlapping shells much easier.
And I also wrote a nice little love note for my husband, who promptly came by and ate part of the frosting that made up his name...I know, wtf, right? If you're reading this, D, I'll let it go this time because I realize it is IMPOSSIBLE to resist a good butter cream. I'm not sure I could stay married to a man who didn't like frosting anyway (this is probably another red flag).
Before "The Great Frosting Debacle of 2014."
I'm happy to report my course 1 book arrived today, and quite speedily might I add, so tomorrow and Thursday I plan on going through and attempting a few of the lessons, and I promise I will post my results. Now if you'll excuse me, parts of my fingers are still dyed purple and teal and I'm afraid people will think I killed a peacock or a My Little Pony or something, so I'm off for round 100 with the scrub brush, and then on to watch the season premiere of Mad Men. I know, my taste in television shows is ridiculously awesome...until you find out my mom has me hooked on The Young and The Restless, anyway...I want you all to know I didn't have to tell you that part. I just don't know how to not keep it real. This would be a really great example of "When keeping it real goes wrong." Did my love of Chapelle Show win back any cool points? No. Fine. I'll make it up to you, I promise. Til next time, my fellow eaters!

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