Monday, April 21, 2014

Kate (Finally) Baked Cakes!

I know, I know...I promised a blog over the weekend, but after hanging out with friends Friday and Saturday night, I needed to recover from my social hangover. I know you may find it surprising, but I am a TOTAL introvert. I spent Sunday shooing D out of the house to go have fun at a cookout so I could recharge (and because I am an awesome wife who realizes my husband should be able to go bro it out every now and again). I watched a ton of Psych and Tangled because I am a giant woman-child, and a well-timed joke and funny cartoon animals complete me. Now I am feeling back to my usual sarcastically awesome self, so let me regale you with tales of my first actual cake decorating experience.
She's...beautiful. *Tear*
First, let me say how unbelievably helpful it was to have spent the past couple of weeks practicing, and setting aside all cares as to whether or not anyone thought I was totally batshit for using my Tupperware as an icing don't know me. You've gotta learn to crawl before you walk; unless you're me and at 27 you're still fairly certain both of your feet are left feet because why else would they continually want to both go in the same direction at the same time, making walking feel more like I'm turning into a human pretzel than a successful endeavor. I digress...the saying practice makes perfect is totally cliched, but for a reason- because its truuuue. I recommend to anyone else learning how to cakeorate (cake decorate) to practice frosting on parchment paper before ever even beginning to THINK about going near a cake. Because the only thing more disappointing than cake that tastes bad is cake that tastes bad AND looks like someone threw up on it.

I made my two 8-inch round lemon cakes and frosted them both differently. I ended up taking the purple rosette cake- 'my masterpiece' as I took to calling her before she was brutally stabbed and totally devoured- to a friend's going away party. He told me my cake tasted like "the semen of the gods," which, based on all other responses, was definitely a totally good thing. Not to toot my own horn (toot toot), but the cake was totes delish because I cake-jacked my box cake mix. I'm going to tell you the following secret, so everyone OUTSIDE of Clovis, go ahead and read on...everyone else who lives here, skip to the next paragraph because I desperately need you to need me to make your cakes for you, and if you find out my secrets...well, you may be tempted to try on your own and I just cannot have that, ya hear?? So, next time anyone outside of Clovis makes a cake, add an extra egg to your box mix, sub milk for the water, and instead of oil, use real butter and double the amount. Then you'll have yourself a cake that tastes like it was made in a professional bakery. And if there was ever any doubt, butter is great and will make you happy. When I say my secret ingredient is "love," I really mean an extra helping of butter.
"We were made with lots of love."
D and I are currently in the process of eating the cake on the left. Before that occurred, he suggested we give it to a friend who was on a cleanse last weekend and missed out on my masterpiece, to which I suggested we could also get divorced...we kept the cake and I am making a new cake for said cleanse friend. I'm going to be practicing "petaling" this week, and plan on making an ombre strawberry petal cake for my dear friend because now that she's done cleansing her insides, I'm going to clog them all right back up with cake. That's what friends are for. Seriously though, D and I cannot continue to eat cake ALL THE TIME (the child version of myself just committed suicide), so anyone who wishes to be a guinea pig and help me get practice, pipe up! If you're local, leave me a comment here on the blog under the comments link (you don't have to have an account) or on Facebook.
I aspire to complete something that at least somewhat resembles this and not mashed potatoes for my petal cake.
I had an absolute blast cakeorating my two cakes this past Friday, and if I didn't have a real job, I totally would've baked again today I'm sure. Way to get in the way of my passion, real job. Just kidding! As much as I loathe the education system in NM (this is a rant for another day), I genuinely enjoy being an instructor. True, when I screw up there, I can't just eat my students and start over like I do with my frosting; I am told that is cannibalism and generally frowned upon in society. Clearly I've been watching too much Game of Thrones again.

For those interested, I used a large star tip for my rosette cake, and two bags of decorator frosting over a thin crumb coat (dye it the same color as your frosting so you don't see any holes). Starting in the middle of the side of your cake, pipe a bit of icing creating a center dot and make a swirl around it until the center is enclosed, and walla- rosette. Do this again about 60 bajillion times and you're done. For the white and blue cake, I spackled on a huge amount of butter cream frosting and combed the sides with a cake comb, and made raises in the top of the cake with my spatula to make an icing platform so I could practice more stars with a smaller star tip than my rosette cake. STAR ALL THE THINGS! As always, I forgot to put my nonpareils (the colored sprinkles, you animal) on until it was too late, so they kind of more or less just bounced off my cake and landed EVERYWHERE. Seriously...I found some in our couch on the other side of the bar. Always put your nonpareils on directly after frosting...noted. Til next time, my fellow eaters!

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