I'm Told People Like Pie.

I've been uncomfortably sweaty for several days in a row now, so I guess Florida has gone straight from sorta winter to regularly scheduled summer grossness. This state makes up seasons and time zones like an episode of Whose Line Is It Anyway? I'm told it is supposed to be spring, but my taste buds were hankering for something appropriate for this level of humidity and...stickiness. Clearly this was a job for a light, fruity pie. I typically abide by the motto that "These feelings would go great with pie," so I eat it pretty regularly. What with Easter coming up on Sunday, I also wanted something a little festive. Considering I'm a grown adult (I think?), I didn't want jelly beans or Peeps coming anywhere near this pie. Does anyone actually eat Peeps? Unless you're crazy about getting cavities (hot dentist?), I just don't see the appeal. So I decided to do the adult thing...you know, juice so many lemons I could cure even the worst case of scurvy and throw them into a tart lemon cream pie. Did I say adult thing? Because it could also be a pirate thing.

Tharrr be piiiieeee.

Okay, so my pink and yellow sprinkles were inspired by Peeps, but the similarities definitely end there. This is a *perfect* Easter pie for all my fellow Catholics out there because it is completely guilt-free. How is that possible? Was it blessed by the Pope? Nope, just a little thing I call Swerve with a dash of potential blasphemy! The original Taste of Home recipe was 735 calories for one slice of pie. Even just reiterating that fact gave me a small heart attack. With some super simple tweaking, I can consume almost an entire pie for the same amount of calories. One slice will only set you back 230 calories (8 servings total). It's an Easter miracle! Yeah, I'm booking a first-class ticket to you-know-where with this blog, but considering my levity, I think this post might just give the man upstairs a good-natured chuckle. Please be benevolent... Seriously though, this pie is a heavenly balance of tart lemon and sweet cream cheese filling. It is light, airy, and packs some seriously ah-mazing flavor. It may be my new favorite way to eat my feelings.

But I am trying my best not to look like the Dough Boy.

Yep, starts with a premade crust. The lemon filling is a little labor intense, so I cut a corner here. I don't have a deep dish pie tin because no one has bought me one yet (Hi, Mom, Christmas, maybe? :-D ), and this pie definitely requires a deep dish. To prepare your crust, simply follow package directions on thawing and bake time/temp. Once cooked to your liking, set on a cooling rack to *completely* cool before putting filling anywhere near it. I'm watching you. Like Roz from Monsters, Inc. Always watching...

I just realized Mickey is blowing a raspberry at my lemon filling ingredients. Happiest mouse my a...

...ssuming you have a juicer or lemon squeezer, making this filling is easy. I have neither, so I juiced lemons by the half for so long I figured my fingerprints might have acid erosion, and I could finally pull the trigger on that diamond heist I've been planning. To make the filling, I suggest a juicer and the following ingredients:

• 1 1/4 cups of Swerve (granular), divided
• 5 TBS cornstarch
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 1/4 cups water
• 2 TBS margarine 
• 2 tsp lemon zest (about half a lemon)
• 3-4 drops yellow food coloring
• 1/2 cup fresh-squeezed lemon juice (about 3 LARGE lemons or 4 regular-sized lemons)

Start by dumping 3/4 cup of Swerve, the cornstarch, and salt into a medium saucepan. Slowly whisk in the water until nothing is clumpy or weird. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, then reduce to medium heat and add the remaining 1/2 cup of Swerve. Constantly whisk until thick, about 2-3 minutes...a solid bicep workout. Remove from heat and add in the margarine, lemon zest, and food coloring. Slowly add in the lemon juice, a bit at a time, and whisk until incorporated.

Do not drink with a straw...as tempting as it may be.

 Set your sauce pan on a cooling rack and give at least an hour to cool off a bit. Go read a book or research the healing power of citrus fruits over nautical diseases online. Let this get to room temp, and then make your cream cheese filling.

I also believe in the healing power of Cool Whip.

The original recipe called for 11! 11! ounces of cream cheese. I reduced this to 8 ounces, and still had about 1/3 of the cream cheese filling left over (it is resting safely in the freezer, for now, until I finish this pie and come after it with some graham crackers). If you make a deeper pie crust somehow, you might be able to use all 8 ounces and such, but here's what I recommend for your filling:

• 6 ounces of 1/3 less fat cream cheese
• 3/4 cup Swerve (confectioners)
• 1 1/2 cups of Cool Whip Free
• 1 TBS lemon juice
• Optional: an additional 1 1/2 cups Cool Whip Free to top the pie

Start by blending the lemon juice, cream cheese, and sugar together until a bit fluffy, 2-3 minutes. Then fold in the Cool Whip Free by hand so you don't over mix.

Pictured: photographic evidence of way too much (is this a thing?) pie filling.

Now, take your totally cooler than cool (ice cold!) pie crust and spread your cream cheese filling in it. Smooth out, but don't worry, this is getting topped. I placed into the freezer for about 15 minutes to set up because my lemon filling was still just a wee bit warm after an hour.

Smoooooooooth.

Once the cream cheese filling has set, pour the lemon filling on top. Use an angled spatula to smooth out. I tapped on the counter gently a couple times to release air bubbles. Put your pie in a cake safe and place into the fridge to completely set overnight. Waiting, the hardest part. I had a 3-day waiting/resurrection joke for this, but I'm worried I might get smited? smote? at this rate.

Maybe even smitten?

Ahhhh, sprinkles. Nothing is ever finished without sprinkles.

After waiting overnight, my lemon filling froze in the fridge because I didn't cover it properly and put it in the very back of the fridge, where apparently a Yeti that likes it extra cold lives. So, definitely place your pie in an airtight container and not in the back of the fridge. I topped my pie with 1 1/2 cups of Cool Whip Free with a 1M star tip, and of course, sprinkles. I friggin love sprinkles. I don't have a sparkly personality, so this might be how I vicariously shine.

Lemon-y fresh!

To. Die. For. Worth every ounce of lemon juice that seeped into the paper cut on my hand while preparing filling (love hurts). The cream cheese layer doesn't suffer from the weird Swerve confectioner's sugar cooling effect since this is kept in the fridge and served cool. The filling is seriously the perfect complement to the zest of the lemon layer. Eating this pie made me forget all about the premature grossness of summer in Florida...a testament to how truly light and delicious it is. It's definitely a must-have at any Easter dessert tables, so plan accordingly. You literally have three days to make this pie before Easter Sunday. I am still refraining from my resurrection joke, so I better quit before I blaspheme my way right off the internet. 'Til next time, my fellow eaters!

Enjoy your Easter. One slice at a time!