Thursday, March 10, 2016

Saint Patrick's Day Is so Close I Can Taste It!

Clearly you all know by now that shots have been on my no fly list since the start of Lent. Naturally I've been looking into Lenten loopholes with all these boozy cupcake recipes and prefacing of not drinking booze for Lent because eating it is essentially the food equivalent of a near's in there alright, but you'd have to consume an alarming and potentially heart-attack inducing amount to do anything. It's easy to create dumb logic when you're a Catholic that's given up one of your favorite past times...don't even get me started on the Lent I gave up Taco Bell. I used a packet of Taco Bell hot sauce with some homemade tacos and was almost certain I would burst into flames. Thankfully I did not, and I've continued to skirt around Lent with near flawless idiot mojo since. But it's like reallyreallyreally close to Saint Patrick's Day and I'm absolutely positive I might die if I don't get to drink Baileys. How else am I supposed to pretend to be Irish like everyone else? I'm told it's not appropriate to dress up like a drunk leprechaun (something about gross misrepresentation of Irish heritage blah blah), so I was running out of ideas. And then I remembered: if I add the Baileys to a food served in a shot glass, I would be both satisfying my craving and keeping true to my promise to abstain from drinking alcohol during Lent. Oh Catholicism, on print, you're really quite the conundrum. Obviously this was a job for dessert shooters.
Delicious, alcohol-laden dessert shooters.
But not just any dessert shooters...Baileys mint cheesecake with homemade Baileys hot fudge. What? Are you tired of mint desserts? Well too bad because this is my blog and this is my third favorite holiday, so I'm milking this mint theme for all it's worth (for those of you wondering, Halloween and New Year's Eve rank 1 and 2 respectively...I covet all major drinking holidays). I learned last week with the Baileys Shamrock shake cupcakes that Baileys + mint = get out of my way I want another cupcake. So I figured that I could recreate the magic with cheesecake as well. And boy was I right. Being right is also one of my other favorite past times, but don't expect it to be one I give up for Lent anytime between now and my inevitable demise. I assume my death will be caused by either being sarcastic at precisely the wrong time ("What are you gonna do, stab me?") or because my lifelong dream to spend a day rolling around with puppies comes true and causes me to die of sheer delight. Anywho, back to shot glasses full of cheesecake.
I ran out of green dye after this. But if you think this means I'm done with mint desserts, you're dead wrong.
This is a simple recipe that I found and made numerous adjustments to (namely, the addition of booze), but it is quick, easy, and tasty. Literally the hardest part of this process is deciding whether or not you've used the proper amount of green food coloring. So gather up:
  • 12 ounces of cream cheese softened to room temp (you can use light, but I question your life choices)
  • 3-4 TBS of sugar (I love SWEET cheesecake, so I used 4. Go for 3 if you're not interested in early onset heart attack symptoms)
  • Half a tub of Cool Whip
  • 1 TBS of vanilla extract
  • 1 TBS of Baileys
  • 1/2-3/4 tsp of mint extract (go for 3/4 tsp if you're obsessed with mint flavor like me)
  • Several drops of green food coloring
  • Several mint Oreos
  • Homemade Baileys hot fudge (recipe below)
  • Reddiwhip for when you run out of Cool Whip for topping
Start by creaming together the cream cheese and sugar for 3-4 minutes in a stand mixer until nice and fluffy. While this is happening, crush up 9 or 10 mint Oreos. You can use a blender, food processor, or if you're like me and have had a particularly rough week, smash the crap out of them with a rolling pin. You will feel better instantly. Set this aside. Add the Cool Whip, vanilla, Baileys, mint extract, and green food coloring to the bowl and blend until well mixed. Cover and place in the fridge while you make the hot fudge sauce.
No judgement if you just sit down with a spoon and go for it at this point.
Just save some cheesecake filling, we've still got boozy chocolate sauce to make!
Totally didn't think chocolate sauce could get any better than the store bought kind. This is one of those rare instances when I was completely in the wrong but not too proud to not admit it. For life-altering chocolate fudge sauce (with Baileys of course) gather up:
  • 2/3 cup heavy cream
  • 1/2 cup light corn syrup
  • 1/3 cup brown sugar
  • 1/4 cup cocoa powder
  • 1/4 tsp salt
  • 1 cup of chocolate chips
  • 2 TBS butter
  • 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
  • 3 TBS Bailey’s Irish Cream
In a medium sauce pan, mix together the heavy cream, syrup, sugar, salt, cocoa, and half a cup of the chocolate chips. Bring this to a boil over medium-high heat while stirring frequently to avoid scorching the chocolate. Burnt chocolate tastes like coffee to me, and that's disgusting. Once boiling, turn down to low heat and stir constantly for three minutes or until the sauce thickens up a bit. Turn the burner off and add in the butter, vanilla, Baileys, and other half of the chocolate chips. Stir until completely mixed. Set this aside to cool for 20-25 minutes and finish thickening. Once it has set up, now comes the real fun...mostly because you're getting super close to eating the booziest of cheesecake shooters.
Start by adding as much filling as you deem necessary for one or two cheesecake shooters into a piping bag. Add the remaining half of Cool Whip to a piping bag as well. If you want to get fancy, use a 1M tip for a pretty swirl. You can also just spoon the cheesecake filling into the glasses, but since it has set a bit in the fridge, piping it is just easier.

Baileys...Baileys did not sponsor this post. But they should have. It should come as no surprise someone that uses Baileys for just about everything except medicinal purposes has Baileys low ball glasses. Gather up a couple low ball or small wine glasses (hahaha..those don't exist). Remember those crushed Oreos from a million years ago? Sprinkle a thick layer on the bottom of the glass.

Then use a spoon and some precision to pour a small ocean's worth of Baileys hot fudge over the Oreos.

Then pipe or spoon a hearty amount of cheesecake filling on top of the fudge.
Pipe away with the Cool could also use Reddiwhip here. I have an extra can for future shooters.

Then add more chocolate fudge because you're an adult dammit, and this is what adults do.
Of course, don't forget to add sprinkles for extra festiveness. This in no way alters the alcohol content, I promise.
I'm gonna warn you about the Baileys fudge sauce. Once you have one spoonful, you're gonna want to put it on everything. Got a donut? Needs Baileys fudge. Got fried chicken? Adds some Baileys fudge. Got a glass full of Baileys? Don't even play, just add the damn fudge. It has been so long since I've had booze that I actually got the hiccups for a minute after sampling this fudge/cheesecake combo. There are no words for how good these two are together. It's like Brad and Angelina...they look pretty together and you know there's a lot of alcohol involved. But in all seriousness, mint cheesecake can only be further improved with the addition of Baileys fudge sauce. The sauce is rich and decadent while the cheesecake is light and minty. And everything has that delicious Baileys aftertaste we've all grown to love after all my Baileys-laced blogs. Just call me the Boozy Baker. One day I hope to open a bakery for ages 21 and up (don't lie, you'd love to spend an hour in a child-free restaurant), where all the treats are full of life's most wonderful ingredients: sugar, love, and lots of alcohol. 'Til next time my fellow eaters!
If only every shot tasted this good.

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