A Cake That's Dying to be Eaten

I love October. It's the one month of the year I can let my inner Wednesday Addams out, and no one bats an eye because it's totally okay to be a spooky weirdo during Halloween festivities. Needless to say, I wanted to go full on gore and make a cake that was both shocking to look at but also really, really delicious at the same time. Because if you're bold enough to eat something that looks like evidence from a crime scene, you should be rewarded for that level of bravery. I came up with a design last month for my big Halloween week bake that tried out another new decorating technique: the fault line cake ("Fault line cakes. So hot right now." -Mugatu, probably). But it's gotta be a creepy fault line cake because this is me we're talking about here, so the shock bar was set high...

Nothing a little blood and broken glass couldn't help achieve.

Was someone murdered in my kitchen? I'll never tell. Was a cake that was the essence of macbre created in the process? Definitely. Was the evidence eaten? Without a doubt. I hand made those little skulls poking out of my fault line, and both the blood and the glass shards are totally edible. Since I knew this would be my last bake before my husband takes one of his annual government-mandated vacations for a few months, I wanted to make a strawberry cake since that's his favorite. Sweet flavoring aside, I also made the inside of this cake look like a bloody nightmare with the help of some very dark raspberry jam (you could use strawberry instead, it just won't look as creepy, and that's really important to someone who's obsessed with Halloween). What with the jam and the cake, I wanted a subtle frosting, so I made an Ermine frosting. This is by NO means a low cal bake at 415 calories a slice for 12 slices total...those little chocolate skulls are dead last in the low calorie department, and well, every other department because they're skeletons. I am going to break this blog down into a few parts: how to make chocolate skulls, how to make sugar glass, the cake and Ermine frosting recipe, and assembly/decoration. Turn back now if you're afraid of reading. Be warned...

I will use this mold as often as possible.

 So the skulls are actually VERY simple. You just need to find a silicone skull mold from Amazon or a craft store and black and white chocolate melts. Melt half a bag of white chocolate melts according to package directions and pour into a squeeze bottle.

You will want a small pan for this.

 Now pipe in the middle of the skull indentation until the cavity is about 3/4 full. Repeat until all 3 little cavities are filled, then very gently tap your silicone mold on top of a baking sheet until the melted chocolate has been distributed evenly and the skull cavities are all covered. Place this in the freezer for 15 minutes.

Spooky synchronicity: an OCD Halloween lover's paradise.

Once set, take a sheet of Parchment paper and grab a mold. Carefully peel the chocolate out of the mold, placing on the paper, and that's it! Repeat until you have enough to cover your fault line in each color. I made 36 white skulls and 48 black skulls, but had 12 black skulls leftover. I made these like a month ago and placed into a single layer in a Tupperware, added wax paper, then added another layer, etc., until I ran out of skulls. These store great at room temp in a cupboard for months.

The glass is pretty much all sugar which is terrifying.

I made my glass shards two days ahead of time because I had never made my own candy before and wanted plenty of time to screw up. The good news here is that this is pretty much foolproof. You take one cup of water, one cup of sugar (I used real sugar since I knew I was probably not going to eat this part with the rest of the cake), 1/2 cup of corn syrup, and 1/8 teaspoon cream of tartar, dump it into a medium sauce pan, and whisk until your arm falls off (seasonally appropriate). Seriously though, you need to bring it to a boil on medium-high heat while whisking pretty continuously until a candy thermometer reaches 300 degrees. This takes about 10-12 minutes, so grab a chair and get comfy. Things will get really, really thick when this magical transition from 260 degrees to 300 degrees takes place in a matter of seconds around the 10 minute mark. 

So shiny and clear you can only see the "well-seasoned" pan I've had for 12 years.

 Generously spray a small baking sheet with cooking spray, then pour your candy mixture into the pan and tilt the pan around to spread the candy evenly. Set this aside to harden at room temp for an hour, then gently cover with foil and place in the fridge until you're ready to use it.

THEN SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!

When you're ready to break it apart, I used a small meat tenderizing mallet to break at random. But I would not break it up until you're actually about to throw it into the cake since the more you handle it, the meltier and stickier it gets. Now that we've got the main decorating components complete, time to get to the good part: the cake.

I actually find the color pink pretty scary, but don't worry, we're dying this blood red.

You can make a raspberry or a red velvet cake if you'd prefer, and it would definitely be the right color and flavor pairing with raspberry jam. I used:

• 1 box strawberry cake mix
• 3 egg whites
• 1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
• 1 cup of skim milk
• Maroon gel dye
• 3 TBS raspberry jam

Mix the cake, egg whites, applesauce, and skim milk in a stand mixer for 2 minutes on medium-high. Prepare 3 six-inch cake pans with cooking spray and bake even strips and preheat the oven to 350. Once mixed, add in gel dye until you get a deep red. Pour your batter evenly into the prepared pans.

Of course this cake has blood clots. It's HALLOWEEN.

 Take a heaping tablespoon of raspberry or strawberry jam and place a few chunks randomly throughout one pan with cake mix in it. Use a knife to swirl around and break up to look like blood clots because both the inside and outside of a Halloween cake should make you question your sanity and general safety upon consumption. Repeat with the other two pans and bake your cakes at 350 for 25 minutes. When done, keep the cakes in the pan and place on a cooling rack for 10 minutes. Then use an angled spatula to ensure no edges are sticking to the sides of the pan before turning each cake round out onto a cooling rack to completely cool off.

It will look like your cake has been shot repeatedly, so you're on your way to achieving maximum gross-out factor.

Be sure to level your cakes once they are cool. I then wrapped mine up in plastic wrap, put into a freezer bag, and froze for a few days before I could get back to work on them. I definitely spent the better part of a few evenings bringing this cake together, but I will sacrifice time for my evil baking proclivities.

Yep, that's flour. And yep, it's going in the frosting.

So Ermine frosting is like the complete flavor opposite of a traditional American buttercream. Where American buttercream is so sweet it's trying to ensure total cavity destruction of your teeth, Ermine frosting is smooth and refined with a hint of sweetness. Ermine frosting knows you're saving the cavities for Trick-or-Treating, and it's fine with that. It has a nice buttery flavor that's complimented with just a slight sweet aftertaste. It's my new favorite frosting because it's not nearly as fickle to make as Swiss meringue buttercream, tastes better, and is super easy to work with when it comes to decorating. Ermine is the traditional red velvet cake frosting, so you've probably had it at some point. It doesn't come together as quickly as an American buttercream, but like most good things, it is worth the effort. To make, you need:

• 1 cup of skim milk
• 5 TBS flour
• 1 cup of Swerve granular
• 1 cup of butter at room temp
• 1 TBS CLEAR vanilla
• Splash of almond extract

In a medium saucepan, whisk together the milk, flour, and sugar on medium heat until it starts to come to a boil. You will need to whisk continuously, so between this and the glass shards, my biceps look fabulous. Cake baking exercises are a thing. After about 5-7 minutes of whisking, things will REALLY  start to thicken up...like a paste consistency. At this point, pour your pudding mixture into a large bowl and cover with plastic wrap, making sure the plastic wrap is touching the top of the mixture to keep a skin from forming. Place in the fridge and let cool for 90 minutes.

Once this mix has cooled down, whip your butter in a stand mixer with a paddle attachment until fluffy, 3-4 minutes. Add in the extracts and about 1/3 of the pudding mix, blending well until total incorporated before adding in another 1/3 of the pudding mix, repeating until all the mix has been added.

Now, switch to a whisk attachment, crank up to medium-high, and let the frosting whip up for about 3-5 minutes. It will get very large and very fluffy, and that's when it's ready to roll. If it seems too thin for piping, place it into the freezer for a few minutes to thicken back up. Place 1/3 of the frosting into a piping bag fitted with a large round tip (I used a #1A) and get ready to make spooky, murdery magic happen.

Pipe a circle around the outside edge of the cake. Then place a tablespoon of jam into a small bowl and mix until runny.

Pour the jam into the circle and spread out evenly.

Then sandwich another cake layer on top of this to make what looks to be the world's most murdery Oreo. Creepy clowns everywhere will be proud.

Repeat with the next layer because "Go big or go home." is also a mentality that works for murder cakes.

Then place the final cake layer on top. I mean, this would work great as a spooky naked cake with the glass shards and more jam blood dripping off the top. But I had big, Winifred Sanderson levels of dark magic I wanted to make happen here, so I carried on with my evil doings.

It all seems so innocent now...Take another 1/3 of the frosting and cover up your crime scene.

 Now, gather up your skulls and get ready to make Jack Skellington proud. Crumb coat your cake with 1/3 of the frosting, and assemble your fault line accents.

I did an alternating pattern of 3 skulls of black then 3 skulls of white.

In some places, a fourth skull might be necessary.

Complete your pattern until you've gone all around the entire cake.

Now, very important witchy magic needs to happen: freeze your cake for 20 minutes. Place the final 1/3 of the frosting into a piping bag fitted with a small round tip (I used a #12) and put into the fridge to stay firm while your crumb coat freezes.

The blob!

 To finish the fault line, take the piping bag and pipe globs of frosting around the top and bottom edges of the cake, slightly overlapping the skulls. Use a bench scraper to pass around the outside edges of the cake until totally smooth. Congrats, you've done a fault line cake! Some people paint the edges with gold or silver luster dust, but I saved the sparkly since I wanted a murdery vibe and not a heavenly one.

Just the right amount of skull-popping action.

 Now, it's time to smash the glass and stab your cake! Sorry, I'm not a psychopath, I swear, I'm just really excited about this cake.

Aw yes, optimal spooky almost achieved.

 Do be careful when placing your candy shards into the cake, as they are shards, and they are pointy. I just randomly placed them into the top of my cake before grabbing one final tablespoon of raspberry jam, heating for 15 seconds in the microwave, stirring, and then going full Patrick Bates with the blood splatter.

I think the Addams Family would be big fans.

 Use a small spoon to drip on top of the shards and down the sides of the cake.

This is where raspberry jam works better than strawberry. Check that blood-red action.

A cake buried with secrets...

 Only thing about the skulls that aren't awesome is that they make cutting perfect cake slices virtually impossible, so I wasn't able to get a good photo of the blood clots on the inside of each slice, but when you cut into the cake and the raspberry jam starts to ooze out, it's pure Halloween spooky bliss:

Why yes, I do eat the blood of my enemies.

I am SO happy with how absolutely grotesque this cake turned out to be. I had envisioned it in my head months ago, so to see it turn out exactly like I had pictured was a huge victory for me. But let's talk about the TASTE. Strawberry cake + raspberry jam = why have I never paired these before?! Strawberries are so nice and sweet but those raspberries come in with the tart flavor that really balances everything out. The Ermine frosting really holds it all together by giving a nice buttery aftertaste to everything. And those bites with the skulls in them? Fantastic. It's a whole lot of flavors coming together in this cake, but they all work together extremely well. Not too sweet, not too sour, definitely just right, especially on the spooky scale. While my favorite month of the year winds down, I am going to enjoy this week fully thanks to this murderous little beauty of a cake! Hocus Pocus on Freeform every day doesn't hurt either,  and thanks to the Food Network's nonstop Halloween baking shows, I'm already planning for next October. It's the most wonderful(ly creepy) time of the year! 'Til next time, my fellow eaters.

Stay spooky, friends.