A Piece of Cake the Size of My Head

When I was but a wee child, I had an insatiable sweet tooth. I realize the irony in typing that as at the age of 30, I sit here eating cinnamon Graham Crackers topped with peanut butter. If you had told me when I was five that I'd still be eating the same lunch over two decades later, I would've been thrilled considering both my love of peanut butter and hatred of change. But the only thing I loved more than routine was eating donuts the size of my head or pancake stacks taller than me. Come to think of it, this still applies. The only thing different now is that I'm familiar with the concepts of guilt and feelings-eating (oh, the parallels!). Ah, to be an innocent, gluttonous child once more. I may still have the metabolism of a hyperactive child in a sugar-fueled rampage, but I try my best to eat healthy. I have been craving a Boston cream donut to the point where I get a little drool-y when I drive by a Dunkin' Donuts, and I knew my sweet tooth/inner child was going to win out eventually. It was just a battle of wills between satisfying my donut lust while simultaneously still fitting comfortably into skinny jeans. In case you were wondering, yes, it is positively exhausting being this crazy. But the insanity sometimes results in pure genius--like this Boston cream angel food cake.

Even topped with chocolate glaze.

I love angel food cake, but it is a nightmare to make. I don't own a tube pan, so I have to make angel food cakes in my bundt pan. It is possible, and the experience will definitely make you believe in said angels when it turns out right, but sometimes, a quick trip through a bakery is all you're willing to put up with. If you're looking for the easiest thing you'll do in your kitchen all week that results in cake, buy a premade angel food cake for this recipe. The other great thing about angel food cake is that it is unabashedly low in calories. By swapping out a few other ingredients, this cake is only 160 calories a slice for 10 slices total. What donut in the world can say the same? I mean, a slice of this equates to a piece of cake the size of my head--thus satisfying my inner child. And unlike eating a donut the size of my head, a slice of this cake doesn't leave me praying for death or an unlimited supply of Tums after I eat it. What you might call a win, win.

Oh yeah, and only five ingredients to make! A lazy win, win.

The worst part about making this Boston cream angel food cake was having to step foot inside of a Walmart to get a premade angel food cake. Thankfully, having to avoid being touched and/or breathed on by anyone else inside of a Walmart only occurs about once a year instead of weekly now that we don't live in Clovis. Small sacrifices. To make this heavenly (see what I did there) angel food cake, you need:

• 1 angel food cake
• 1 package of sugar free Jello instant vanilla pudding
• 1 1/2 cups skim milk
• 1 cup of Cool Whip Free, divided
• 2 ounces of Baker's Semi-Sweet Chocolate

And prepare for a photo montage!

 Mix the milk and pudding together with a whisk in a medium bowl for two minutes. I consider myself to be in really good shape, but my biceps were so, so happy after these two minutes were over. Mad props to my stand mixer for taking care of my dessert needs because if I had to whisk my desserts every week, I'd never eat any baked goods.

Whisk in half a cup of Cool Whip Free and set aside.

Ahh, the cake garotte wire returns.

 You will need to tort your cake into three layers. I use my cake leveler, but a long serrated knife would also work if you don't enjoy the feeling of using garotte wire to mutilate a cake. It's a lot more fun than it sounds, I promise.

Once torted, set the top two layers aside. Place the bottom layer on a large plate.

And then add a thick layer of the Boston cream filling on top of it. I used an angled spatula to even out and smooth. Not that it really matters, because you're just going to put the middle layer of the cake on top of this, and repeat with another layer of Boston cream filling.

Finish off by placing the top piece of cake on top of the last layer of Boston cream filling. You may have some oozing out of the sides, but you can achieve a cool "naked cake" look if you take your angled spatula and swipe it around the side of the cake:

It's messy, but in a really chic way. Gotta love trends.

 Now, take 2 ounces of the chocolate baking bar and hack it up into tiny pieces. Sorry, this blog is sounding way more murdery than I intended. Dump into a bowl with the other half a cup of Cool Whip Free. I cleaned out and reused the same bowl I used to mix my Boston cream filling (I wasn't kidding last week with that lazy but efficient business). Microwave on high for 30 seconds, and get ready to whisk those biceps back into shape, baby! You should be left with a nice, thick chocolate ganche. Dump small spoon-fulls on top of the cake and smooth out with a spatula:

Ohhh yeah, look at that little drip of chocolate glaze in the middle...mmmmmmm.

 Sorry, I may need a moment to recover from that photo. The glaze might run a little down the sides of your cake, but it's still going to look absolutely spectacular, like the world's largest donut:

Or what I imagine the world's largest donut would look like. I'd probably have to go to the Minnesota or Texas State Fair to figure it out for real.

...that's it. All you have to do now is let your cake set in the fridge for an hour, and then you're ready to serve it up. Do leave any leftovers in the fridge to keep the Boston cream layers firm. Y'all, seriously, this was so easy that I figured it would only be an "okay" substitute for my Boston Cream donut craving. I have dreams about how good this cake is. I stare at it longingly every time I open the fridge. The angel food cake is the perfect amount of sweetness to complement the Boston Cream layers, and the chocolate glaze is the perfect finishing touch. It's the classy, adultier version of a donut. My inner child also appreciates this because I was born feeling like a 45-year-old in most regards. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go sit on my couch in scuffies and pj's for the rest of the day, because whether your 10 or 60, it's just a good way to spend a Sunday. 'Til next time, my fellow eaters!

Size. of. my. head.