Thursday, August 7, 2014

Pupcakes for the Yuppy Puppy and My Michigan Wrap-up.

Because I am one of those people who calls her pets "Fur Babies," I think it will come as no great shock I made Hank a batch of pupcakes for his birthday August 1. 
Is it wrong that I totally wanted to try one of these?
I enjoy my dogchild because the most extensive thing he is ever going to ask me for is a longer walk or an extra helping of kibble. He's really polite like that. Even when he sasses me it is adorable. Where an actual human baby would have me ripping out my hair at the crazy things it does and questioning my sanity, my fur baby finds me laughing at the crazy things he does and wondering if I should get him a sister. Dogs: The babies for people who don't really want babies. I'll tell you how you too can turn your pooch into a bone-afide (got jokes for days, people) lush puppy with these simple, cute, and tasty pupcakes after I take care of a little thing I like to call a "truth session," which when it occurs without wine is really more just "bitching without a slur."
Pictured: Katy's Perfect Day in Huron. A cool 70, breezy, sunny, and on the water...paradise.
 My time in Michigan has unfortunately drawn to a close. I have sincerely enjoyed getting to spend time with my family in the house I spent a very cold 2009-2010 in before moving to New Mexico with Derek. Between the cool temps, absolutely amazing shopping, and general fun had with my folks, I am sad to see it end. I really don't want to have to go back to the rural suck after getting a taste of life near a metropolitan area again (even if that metropolitan area is Detroit). I'm going to be leaving here kicking and screaming, which could be pretty dangerous considering I'm driving. I love Hank, but I just don't trust that dog behind the wheel. So, I will be driving home with my grumpy face on, while thinking of crappy things I'd rather do if it meant I got to be in a ten-mile radius of a Target or Ulta again over going back to Eastern NM. That being said, here's a list! Don't look so surprised, you know how much I love organizing things...

 Things I'd rather do than go back to Clovis:
1. Wear Crocs in public.
2. Spend an entire day with children.
3. Listen to Justin Bieber's music anthology in full.
4. Have to stub the same toe each morning in the same spot for a full month.
5. Be locked in a room with cats for a week (bonus- allergic reaction would render me mostly deaf so #3 wouldn't be so bad).
6. Do my taxes.
7. Do other people's taxes.
8. Live in a house where all the wall art was crooked and wasn't able to be fixed. If you understand OCD, you know the struggle. I get twitchy just thinking about it.
9. Be a literal human punching bag.
10. Listen to a vegan explain the merits of becoming a vegan without punching them in the face.

I guess in all fairness, I should mention a few things about Michigan that I will never, ever miss:
1. The startling number of people here who believe socks with sandals are an acceptable fashion choice.
2. The  fact that left-hand turn lanes and left turn lights are practically nonexistent. I hate anyone who is anti-lefty. Throwing major shade your way, planning departments of Michigan.
3. No Blue Bell ice cream. GET IT TOGETHER. It is 2014...if you distributed Blue Bell ice cream to all of Detroit, I bet people there would be a lot more happy and a lot less stabby.

Whew, thanks for letting me get that off my chest. When as naturally prone to sarcasm and self deprecation as I am, you just gotta let the bitch flag fly sometimes, ya heard? Now, back to the regularly scheduled baking blog and less of the crazy woman on a rant blog. PUPCAKES!
The line up: One egg (obviously), 1/2 tsp vanilla, 1/2 tsp baking soda, 1/2 tsp baking powder, 2 TBS veggie oil, 2 TBS of honey, 1/3 C milk, 3/4 C flour, and 1/4 C of dog's biggest weakness (also commonly referred to as "Jif peanut butter").
For the icing, grab a tub of whipped cream cheese.
I tried to find fat free, but even the people at Philadelphia were like,
"Um, what would be the point of that? Seriously."
This recipe is really, really easy. For one because it is for a dog, so even if you don't get the ingredients precisely right, it's not like the dog isn't going to eat the damn thing anyway. Dogs are probably the best creatures in the world to bake for because as far as they're concerned, every scrap you give them could be manna from Heaven. For two this recipe is simple because you just throw the ingredients listed in photo one into your mixer and let it blend for a couple minutes. It will be thick and sticky because honey and peanut butter mixed together is nature's equivalent to super glue. This makes six cakes, so line a muffin tin with six cupcake papers and pour evenly into each. Throw into the oven at 350 for 20 minutes. Your kitchen will smell delicious and when they come out of the oven you will have to remind yourself this is for the dog, not you about five or six times while they cool.
Good enough to eat! But seriously, don't, they're for your dog.
I'm still on a trying-to-load-my-piping-bags-in-clever-fashions kick, so I tried the old "bag in the glass" method this week:
Travel coffee mug, you're the perfect kitchen tool...
The hardest part about this method was finding the right sized glass. Travel coffee mugs fit the bill. Fit your piping bag with the tip of your choice (I used a French tip), and then line it into the cup. Plop the bucket of whipped cream cheese in, and then mix it up for a bit to get rid of the air bubbles. Walla- you're ready to frost!
So, I may have tried the frosting. It was good, but then it left me wanting a whole pupcake...
 Starting from the outside, just circle in overlapping a bit with each circle and you get these cute little traditional cupcake tops:
Only I would want to make sure a dog's treat was this pretty.
I placed some cute dog treats in the shape of steaks on top, and then we put a candle in one to further torture the dog and prevent him from eating the treats he had been smelling all afternoon. Poor, poor Hank...heavy sarcasm. In all seriousness, cut these up into bite-sized pieces and give them to your pooch. Hank really appreciated it, and let me know with lots of cuddles and licks after he was done eating.
Licking the plate clean..he truly is my son.
Not only did the dog absolutely adore these (again, what dog wouldn't, not a hard crowd to please), but they also did not give him any tummy troubles. So this recipe passes my standards, and will definitely be used again the next time someone else wants to throw their dog a birthday party. Call me. Really. Do it. I like baking for dogs because those are calories that aren't going to end up on my ass. It's like the safety net of cooking when you're doing it for a dog. Genius. Til next time, my fellow eaters!

1 comment:

  1. I sure am gonna miss you, Katy! Love, Mom.


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