Death by Chocolate Cheesecake

I know of only one person in this entire world that loves a good dessert more than I do--my boss. I take the opportunity to try to out-bake myself for her birthday every year because she deserves a really good birthday treat, and unlike me, she does share dessert. She's a fan of boozy baked goods, specifically Kahlua-based ones, so I came up with what might be my crowning birthday treat achievement: a chocolate Kahlua cheesecake with dark chocolate crust and a Kahlua ganache. That's it. I'll never do one better, so I either need to find a new job or prepare my office for disappointment on her next birthday. This cheesecake is rich--like Royal Family or Bugatti Owner level of richness. You only need a tiny sliver to sate the old sweet tooth for sure...and this is coming from someone with a sweet tooth the size of a grizzly bear.

And, like most rich things, it is both beautiful and demanding.

 I've gotta warn you, it's so hot outside that my sense of humor has burst into flames and died in humid, Florida-laden misery, so remembering this cheesecake fondly is the one thing bringing me joy today. Like most cheesecakes, this is definitely a two-day event to make, so keep in mind if you're giving this recipe a go. I have a 10" springform pan, and this cheesecake is TALL, so I'd say it'd easily yield 20 servings due to how rich it is. You really don't need a large slice to be food-coma ready, and for 20 servings, each slice amounts to 365 calories. Definitely on the higher end of the scale, but most things covered in booze-drizzled chocolate aren't going to be good for your waistline, just your sanity.

Hi, so, dark chocolate Oreos are the greatest thing to be invented since A/C.

The crust recipe for this cheesecake is, in my opinion, the best part of the entire cheesecake. I did not know Oreo made a dark chocolate cookie with dark chocolate filling, and discovering this when I was grocery shopping was like "Columbus discovering the Americas" level of mind blowing for me. I got loads of compliments on the crust--something usually completely overlooked in a cheesecake--so take heed and use these and only these Oreos. To make everything, you need:

• Crust:
• 1 whole package of dark chocolate Oreos (keep the filling in!), crushed in a food processor
• 1/4 cup of melted butter
• Filling:
• 2-3* 8 ounce bricks of 1/3 fat cream cheese, softened
• 1 cup of light sour cream
• 3 eggs + 2 egg yolks
• 1 1/2 cups of Swerve granular
• 3 TBS Hershey's cocoa powder
• 1 1/2 tsp vanilla
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 1/4 cup Kahlua
• 8 ounces melted semisweet chocolate chips
• Ganache:
• 4 ounces semisweet chocolate chips
• 4 ounces dark chocolate chips
• 2 TBS skim milk
• 2 TBS Kahlua
• Optional: additional chips for decorative topping

 *I am not the hugest fan of cream cheese, so if I were to make this for myself, I would only use 2 bricks of cream cheese. I think this would take the level of richness from "Give me one more forkful and I might explode" to "Oh yeah, I can totally finish that slice if you don't want it." Just a personal preference! This was borderline ridiculously decadent, so pairing down the cream cheese would help.

Altering nothing in the crust though, cause that bad boy is perfect.

Preheat your oven to 325, make sure your racks are adjusted to fit a large roasting pan, and line a springform pan with Parchment paper before spraying heavily with Pam. Set this aside and mix your crushed Oreos and melted butter together in a food processor or blender. Turn out into your prepared pan, using a glass or the bottom of a measuring cup to smooth out evenly.

No soggy bottoms!

 The first time I made a Real, Fancy Cheesecake™, my bottom got soggy in the water bath. To combat this, this time I used a crockpot liner wrapped around my pan with the end secured in a small knot. THIS WORKED. Crust was perfectly dry after baking. Use this genius hack with fervor, friends.

Don't forget the foil.

Still, as a precaution, wrap in a few layers of foil on top of the crockpot liner. Set this aside and make your filling. With the paddle attachment, beat the cream cheese and sour cream together until light and fluffy on medium speed, about three minutes. Add in the sugar, cinnamon, cocoa, and vanilla, and beat on medium speed another 2-3 minutes. Scrape the bowl and then add in the egg and egg yolks, one a time, mixing on low until each one has been completely incorporated to keep excess air from mixing into your batter that could cause it to crack later. While this is going on, melt your 8 ounces of semisweet chips on 60% power for 1 minute. Whisk until completely smooth and set aside to cool for a minute or two. After all the eggs are mixed in, pour in the Kahlua and melted chocolate. Mix slowly until the chocolate has been totally mixed in.

Water bath time!

Now, place that absolutely amazing crust you prepared earlier into a large roasting pan. Pour your cheesecake batter into the springform pan and then add about 4 cups of very hot water into the sides of the roasting pan. Now, place into your oven and bake for 90 minutes, until the top of the cheesecake is still barely jiggly. Yours truly accidentally shut off her oven timer and over-baked the top of the cheesecake, so thank god for ganache. Once your cheesecake has baked for 90 minutes, turn off the oven, slightly crack the door, and leave it in the oven for another hour to finish baking.

Fun story! I'm all thumbs, literally. When I was pulling my finished cheesecake out of the oven, I didn't realize my thumbs in my oven mits were touching the top of the cheesecake because I was trying so hard not to drop the heavy roasting pan. I went from perfectly smooth top to two large cracks because of my gargantuan thumbs (great for thumb wars, terrible for moments like this). And once more I shall say: thank god for ganache--the airbrushing of desserts.

Now, remove your cheesecake from the roasting pan and set on a towel to cool off. While it's cooling, run a sharp knife around the edges of the cheesecake to ensure nothing is sticking to the sides of your pan. Let cool for an hour then wrap with plastic wrap and place in the fridge overnight. I actually ended up putting this in the freezer since I knew I wanted to pour hot ganache on top of it, so you can definitely bake this ahead and freeze it until you're ready to serve or ganache.

It would have been perfect, if not for those damn thumbs.

You don't need to ganache this cheesecake, but trust me when I say you're really gonna miss out on some magic if you don't. Once your cheesecake has rested overnight in the fridge or freezer, remove from the springform pan. I also froze this cheesecake so it would be easy to remove it from the bottom of the springform pan and transfer to a cake round I wouldn't need back.

Prepare for chocolate-palooza!

The next day, set your cheesecake on top of a cooling rack, and be sure there are plenty of paper towels underneath that to catch any spills. Make your ganache by putting 4 ounces semisweet chocolate, 4 ounces dark chocolate, 2 TBS Kahlua, and 2 TBS skim milk in a large bowl. Microwave at 60% power for one minute, then whisk until completely smooth. Pour this into a liquid measuring cup and let rest 3-4 minutes.

And pour, baby, pour!

Pour your ganache all over the top of the cheesecake, using an angled spatula to even it on the top of your cheesecake and push ganache down the sides. Since my cheesecake was frozen, this set VERY FAST, so work quickly. Hindsight--a fridge-chilled or slightly thawed cheesecake would give you a better drip appearance. I was working quickly, so I took a few handfuls of additional chocolate chips and placed a border around the edge of the cheesecake:

A good finishing touch if you're not celebrating a birthday!

This was a pretty accent for sure, but nothing compared to these gorgeous birthday cake toppers I found on Amazon (because they really do have everything).

Consider this my "Everything needs sprinkles on top" moment.

These took the appearance to the next level. I placed this in a cake box and let it chill in the fridge overnight until it was ready to make it's debut for my boss's birthday.

There were actual ooh's and ahh's.

Definitely keep your cheesecake refrigerated until ready to serve! My cake box was way too big to fit in our work fridge, so by lunch time, the cheesecake was softened to a point where pretty, evenly-cut servings were not even remotely possible. The birthday girl may or may not have dug into it with a spoon the moment she opened the box, so there was no reason for the pomp and circumstance of pretty cheesecake slices anyway. I was happy she was happy, and we were all really, really happy to have boozy cheesecake on a Friday after what felt like the longest week ever. I've told you it's supremely filling and that the crust is hands down my favorite crust ever, but let's not forget the unsung, thumb-damage-hiding hero of this dessert: Kahlua ganache. That was the best way to add more booze and really finish off this cheesecake for sure. Servings were had, people. It's a good thing I have another year to try to figure out how to top this extremely rich, incredibly decadent cheesecake...cause I'm gonna be thinking about how yummy it was for a long, long time. 'Til next time, my fellow eaters!

It screams "for chocoholics only," and I am here for that.

Grudges Yield Cupcakes

I am convinced that there is nothing in the world like event planning to make stress eating take place. Case in point: the massive 90's bash I was throwing for work last night resulted in the week-of-event "coping consumption" of Buc-ee's fudge, piña colada cupcakes, and about a pound of Everlasting Gobstoppers, Warheads, and Ring Pops (you know, as part of said 90's event swag). As a tiny little ball of Type-A anxious energy, too many unknowns and unplanned disasters come with creating and executing events. My survival mechanism usually leads me to a good shower cry and inhaling a pint of ice cream--sometimes even at the same time. I knew I was going to need a fresh batch of cupcakes for what came after the end of the 90's throwback event: the Game of Thrones series finale tonight. I am well aware I am most likely going to experience massive disappointment one way or another that is going to require another large batch of sweets. Considering I am still bitter about the How I Met Your Mother series finale over 5 years ago, I know a thing or twenty about grudge holding. And nothing in the world goes better with a grudge than a cupcake. 

Except maybe a cupcake spiked with alcohol...

These summertime floral arrangements of roses and hydrangeas in light and bright shades of pink are, no surprise, packed full of alcohol. The cupcakes themselves are actually pink lemonade cupcakes, and biting into one even without any frosting tastes exactly like a sweet, refreshingly tart glass of Country Time Pink Lemonade (accept no substitutions--this is the only pink lemonade that matters). The frosting is a pink lemonade buttercream spiked with Triple Sec. I was honestly going to make these booze-free, but let's face it, Game of Thrones is probably not going to end the way anyone wants it to after this disastrous season, so the Triple Sec was definitely a needed addition. This gives an added layer of citrus and boldness to the frosting that is just sinfully delicious while also somehow heavenly and light. No glass of pink lemonade could ever quench my stress-eating thirst, so I gotta say, couple this with the 9,000% humidity outside, and you've got a triple threat cupcake that makes weather, stress, and disappointment simply fade away. They're also only 200 calories a cupcake, and this in and of itself makes me feel pretty darn good about eating one. Or three. It's gonna be rough tonight, guys.

You have plenty of time to whip up a batch to survive the night.

 The ingredient list is super simple. All you need is:

• 1 white cake mix
• 3 TBS Country Time Pink Lemonade
• 4 egg whites
• 1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce (replaces the oil called for on the box mix)
• 10 ounces of Sprite Zero (replaces the water called for on the box mix)
•  1.5 TBS of lemon extract
• Hot pink gel dye
   

Start by preheating your oven to 350 and lining two muffin tins with cupcake liners (24). Mix all ingredients except for the gel dye on medium-high for 2 minutes, then add in a few drops of hot pink dye to give your cupcakes a nice pink hue. 

Subtle, but will bake much brighter

  Use a cookie scoop to drop even amounts of batter into each cupcake liner until they're about 2/3 full. Bake for 15 minutes at 350 or until a toothpick comes out cleanly from the center of the cupcake.

Pretty in pink, alright.

 Let your cupcakes cool in the pan for about 5 minutes, then remove to finish cooling completely on a cooling rack before frosting. Cupcakes cool off super quickly, thank God, because we have little time before optimal feelings eating is going to take place. 

Hence the need for the Triple Sec!

Now, while your beautiful little pink lemonade cakes of relief cool off, make your frosting. You need:

• 1 cup of unsalted butter at room temp
• 2 tsp of lemon extract
• 2 cups of powdered sugar
• 2 cups of Swerve confectioners
• 5 TBS of Triple Sec
• 2 heaping TBS of pink lemonade powder

 Start by whipping the butter in your stand mixer until fluffy, 3 or so minutes. Grab a measuring cup and measure out the pink lemonade powder, dropping in your measuring cup and then adding the Triple Sec to it. Stir until the pink lemonade powder has dissolved, and set aside. Now, add the lemon extract and powdered sugar to your butter. Mix well, scrape down your mixing bowl, and then pour in half the Triple Sec lemonade mix. Blend, scrape, and add the Swerve and second half of the Triple Sec and lemonade mix. I then dyed my frosting a very light shade of hot pink.

Lined with the blood of every viewer's Game of Thrones final season hopes...

I wanted to do some florals for these cupcakes because 1: they're pretty, 2: they're summery, and 3: they look hard but are super fast and easy to achieve. I was throwing these together before heading off to my big event last night, so time was of the essence. I took several piping bags fitted with 2D tips and then used a paintbrush to paint stripes of hot pink gel dye in 4 lines inside of each bag before filling with my light pink frosting (pictured above).

Bright and cheerful--the exact opposite of everyone's mood tonight after GOT, I guarantee it.

I piped out a bit of frosting to get the gel dye to start blending with the light pink frosting. Then I piped 2D hydrangeas (left and right) by simply placing the piping bag straight up over my cupcakes and applying gentle pressure on the bag to form little hydrangea stars. I got a large blend of bright pink and light pink as the frosting mixed with the gel, and I love how this varies and makes them look like real flowers.

So cute I almost can't stand it. Almost.

 As my gel dye started to fade, I took this opportunity to pipe small 2D roses by starting 2/3 of the way into the cupcake and swirling out and around to form roses with a nice faint pink edge. Then I needed to switch to another prepared bag of frosting as this one ran out. I finished these by piping 3-4 little hot pink hydrangeas beside the roses. This helps to cover the edge where you end your rose. 

Although this looks peaceful, I was churning these out like a mother with only 5 minutes before I needed to get ready to go to my event. So there's something to be said about photos vs. real life!

Honestly though, this style ended up being my favorite, hands down. It combined such excellent colors I am saving them to eat for last because they're so pretty to look at in the fridge. Priorities. The third and final style, pictured right, was achieved by doing the traditional 2D rose technique--start in the center of the cupcake and swirl out and around. Finish off with a tiny hydrangea on the end of your rose and add 3-4 pink sugar pearls to the center of the hydrangea to give off an extra level of floral fanciness. Nothing is EVER complete without a sprinkle or two...

Real flowers die. Cupcake flowers, while also aren't forever, they are for eating. So, winner, cupcakes.

These really were a sinch to throw together, but after inhaling one post-event last night, they absolutely taste like something that was slaved over all day. I save my slaving for event planning, and my cupcakes for pure enjoyment....or in this case, a much needed relief from whatever shocking deaths, continued insanity, or totally out-of-left field plot lines happen tonight on the series finale of GOT. I am pretty much planning on keeping a cupcake in each hand for the entirety of the episode--and if Sansa doesn't end up on the Iron Throne, cupcakes will fly. They'll be flying into my mouth though because they're wayyyyy too delicious to end up smattering the TV. Pink lemonade has always been my summer beverage of choice, and make no mistake, these cupcakes are a dead ringer for an ice-cold glass of tart, sweet, refreshing pink lemonade with a nice little zing from that Triple Sec to top it all off. So no matter what happens tonight, I am eating like a queen. 'Til next time, my fellow eaters!

They also have a nice calming effect when you look at them, and I have a feeling that is really going to come in handy tonight.