Pie: Miracle Worker

When I think of Jell-o, it hurts my teeth. As anyone who has had braces or had their wisdom teeth removed can tell you, there are times when your diet consists only of the softest, most easily swallowed foods to avoid having your teeth come within a millimeter of food particles, triggering *all* of the pain. I vividly recall my diet consisting primarily of ramen noodles, scrambled eggs, and Jello for quite some time in my teen years (coincidentally, also in college, but mostly just because I was more interested in spending money on shoes and not food). Because of these memories, I don't usually make many desserts that feature Jello as the main ingredient. But it's hot in Florida, like the surface of the sun is having summer vacation here right now hot, so I wanted to make a dessert without the word "lava" in it. I wanted something that could work miracles and help me cool off while also delivering something sweet and delicious, so this was definitely a job for pie. A strawberry cream pie, specifically:

It screams summer in all the right (non-sweaty) ways.

It's a strawberry cream pie, but I've been referring to it as a strawberry dream pie because: 1. I am a huge dork, 2. Not only is it a fantastic combination of light, airy filling, but it also packs a nice blend of tart, sweet bite from the strawberries, and 3. Because it's only 129 calories a slice. A friggin' steal! I mean, you could eat half the pie in one sitting if you wanted to and still be better off than eating that one so-so hamburger at your neighbor's backyard barbecue. Also with the added bonus that this pie doesn't require you to stand anywhere near an open flame when it's 6,000 degrees out while making lame jokes about someone leaving the heat on outside. Stay inside, enjoy air conditioning, eat pie, and thank yourself for being able to avoid pretending to like people for another day. That's pretty much what the weekend is made for anyway, right?

That and finding sneaky ways to eat butter in all your meals, including dessert.

I've mentioned my easy and low-cal pie crust recipe before, but it was ages ago, so we've all promptly forgotten about it by now because the internet has given us the gift of a goldfish-adjacent attention span. To make your pie crust, you'll need:

• 3 tablespoons of butter, cut into small chunks
• 2 tablespoons of granular Swerve
• 6 sheets of cinnamon graham crackers
• 1 tablespoon of water

Invest in a small food processor, and you can make all the pie crust in the world!

 Dump the butter, Swerve, and graham crackers in a food processor and grind until smooth. Then, add in the tablespoon of water and mix everything together til a wet crumb is formed.

Good things start with graham crackers.

Press your crumbs into a pie pan and then place into the freezer to set for 30 minutes. I only have a shallow pie pan, and I ended up making wayyyy too much filling, so the recipe below for the filling will work for a deep dish pie crust. I'll give tips for what would work better for a shallow pie pan as well for all my fellow shallow (pan) people. Once set, remove from the freezer, preheat your oven to 375 and bake for 10-12 minutes until golden. Place on a cooling rack and set in the fridge while you make your pie filling.

Jello, you were there for me when I could eat literally nothing else. Thanks, braces.

To make the filling, you'll use:

• 1 8 ounce tub of Cool Whip Free
• 1 small package (0.3 oz) of sugar free strawberry Jello
• 2-4 cups of strawberries, reserve 6 for topping, sliced*
• 2/3 cup boiling water
• 1/2 cup cold water
• 1/2 cup ice cubes

*For a deep dish pie, use 4 cups of strawberries. For a regular, shallow pie pan, use 2 cups of strawberries. In either case, reserve a few for garnish. I had about 1/3 of the filling leftover when I used 4 cups of strawberries, and I think one pack (2 cups) of strawberries would've been the perfect amount for the filling instead. I did get to enjoy leftover filling with graham crackers though, so, no complaints either way.

Boil your water, and mix it with the Jello in a medium-large bowl until the Jello is completely dissolved. In a measuring cup, measure out 1/2 cup of cold water, and then dump in ice cubes until your water reaches the 1 cup measuring line. Throw this in with your boiling Jello mix and whisk until the ice is completely melted:

I say large bowl because I clearly whisk with the speed and grace of a tornado.

 Your mixture should thicken a bit while whisking, but set aside completely for 10 minutes to firm up and keep your filling from being a soupy mess (outside is enough of a soupy mess--don't let your pie follow suit). I took this time to remove the tops and slice all my strawberries into small chunks, and then took my remaining six strawberries, chopped the tops, and very thinly sliced them vertically. Yes, I did all this in ten minutes. I am wise with time. Thanks for noticing (she types while still in pjs at 3 p.m.).

Jello abuse!

 When I poked my mixture with a whisk after ten minutes of setting, it was nice and firm. The whisk didn't sink to the bottom of the bowl, and the Jello gave some resistance (futile!). Now, we're ready for Cool Whip. Then again, we're never not ready for Cool Whip during summer, really.

Mix in the Cool Whip until you have a beautifully smooth, pink bowl of pie filling.

Now add in however many strawberries as your pie pan will allow.

Give a good stir until everything is well mixed, then top your bowl with plastic wrap and place your pie filling in the fridge to firm up for thirty minutes. Once the filling is firmed up, time to make the magic happen.

Get that gorgeously tanned (consider my pasty body jealous) pie crust.

Turn out your filling into the cooled crust, and smooth with a spatula.

Now, take those thinly sliced strawberries and create whatever decoration your heart desires on top of your pie. I went with a sunburst pattern because it's summer, and I like constantly being reminded that the sun is trying to kill me during this season.

Plus, sunburst patterns just look pretty.

 Now, much like all things that have Jello in them, you must do the unimaginable: put your pie into the fridge to set for at least 4-5 hours. I know. I saved this painful tidbit til the end because the pie is most definitely worth the wait. The irony--the pain of waiting for the pie that is there to solve the pain of summer. The longer you let it set, the easier it will be to slice and serve, so make a day ahead if you have time.

A beautiful color contrast. Pictured on top: me after 5 minutes in the summer sun. Pictured on bottom: a normal person's tan after being outside all summer.

Worth. the. wait.

After those long, grueling hours of wanting to eat pie and not being able to, the time has finally come. Slice up, enjoy, repeat. Low calorie, but not low flavor. The cinnamon crust and the sweet filling are a combination so great, you will forget you live on the surface of the sun. It's nice and cool while also being delicious and satisfying. I sincerely enjoyed this pie, and my Jello-tooth-PTSD was a non issue since it's mostly there to add some extremely yummy strawberry flavor to the pie.

The chunky texture of the strawberries also helped.

Definitely keep leftover pie (yes, this is a thing) in the fridge. I made this pie last weekend and had a few slices (and a massive bowl of leftover filling) before saving the remaining slices for my husband to enjoy with me now that he's back from his work trip across the pond. I am told it was hot there, too, but not "Florida hot." This is a real thing. The kind of heat that singes the skin while the humidity simultaneously makes you sweat even at a standstill. Magical! The pie has kept excellently though, and leftover slices are going very quickly because it most definitely it an excellent remedy for the heat. I truly believe if world peace is ever found, it will be through someone's pie recipe. Praise pie, and it's curative deliciousness. 'Til next time, my fellow eaters!

Pie: solving problems for centuries.