Seasons Eatings

I was combing through my previous December bakes and found a startling number of peppermint desserts. Consider me basic in both fall AND winter, apparently. There's only so many ways you can mix peppermint into desserts, and I've pretty much done all of them. This meant it was time for my least favorite thing in the world: stepping out of my minty-cool comfort zone and finding a new flavor to deck the halls with. Needless to say, the answer was booze. I mean, isn't always? I decided to bake with an old favorite: Rumchata. Now, if you've never had the pleasure of drinking Rumchata, let me set the scene. Remember pouring yourself a giant bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal as a kid, letting it get a little soggy (R.I.P. roof of mouth), and by the end, you'd be left with this ultra creamy, cinnamon milk goodness? Yep--that's exactly what Rumchata tastes like. I figured cinnamon + booze = acceptable holiday offering. 'Tis the season to be boozy, fa la la la la la la la *hiccup.* I knew I also wanted to decorate in a winter theme because quite frankly, it may be the only winterscape I view in Florida (Hi, it's 69 degrees today, and I am sweaty and upsetty).

For my Florida readers, this is not a beach cake. It is a winter cake. Winter is a season generally marked by cold weather, immediately following Autumn, another season that, never mind, you don't need to know this. You'll never experience either.

Topped with white chocolate snowflakes and cool-swirled meringues, this blue ombre Rumchata cake with Rumchata buttercream frosting is TO DIE FOR. It's boozy, but not in an, "Oh boy, my throat is on fire," kind of way. A forkful of this cake starts off with a vanilla flavor and is followed by a creamy hit of cinnamon Rumchata goodness that lingers just right. I also added some extra cinnamon to the buttercream to take it over the top. It is soft, it is flavorful, and it is so moist thanks to the booze. I always find boozy bakes cook out the alcohol, leaving rich flavor and a moist cake behind (cake hangovers are far superior). This is a 3-tiered, 6-inch round cake with 12 servings, at only 341 calories a slice sans meringue or snowflake. Adding in those extra elements will total out to 356 calories a slice (oh yes, they are most definitely worth it). Trust me, this cake, frosting technique, and snowflake technique are INSANELY EASY. Meringues on the other hand...well, keep the Rumchata bottle handy, cause you're gonna need it...

I had no idea Rumchata came in bottles this small. Would've been useful information in college.

The base of this cake starts out with a box mix, and it stays pretty straight forward. You need:

• 1 vanilla cake mix
• 3 egg whites
• 4 ounces of diet creme soda
• 8 ounces of Rumchata

Now, you could forgo the soda and use all Rumchata, but it will definitely cost you in the calorie department since Rumchata is basically cinnamon sugar in liquid form. Whip up your egg whites on medium-high in the bowl of a stand mixer until fluffy, 3-4 minutes. Preheat your oven to 350 and prepare three 6-inch round cake pans with bake-even strips and cooking spray. Once your whites are fluffy, add in the cake mix, soda, and liquor. Blend on medium-high for 2 minutes, then evenly pour the batter into your prepared pans. Bake for 25-28 minutes, and then let the cakes cool in their pans for 5-10 minutes on a cooling rack. Turn these out of the pan and onto the racks to cool another 10 minutes before wrapping in plastic wrap and letting freeze for several hours (boozy cakes are sticky, so this will help when you frost your cake later). You can make your snowflakes and meringues while you wait. Because it will take you 17 hours, a phone call to a priest, and a lot of cursing to get these meringues made.

Have I scared you? Good. Use that fear.

Let's start with the easy and quick snowflakes. I Googled "snowflake piping template," copied and pasted the image into a Word doc, resized a few, and printed out. I set my templates under some Parchment paper and grabbed about 1/3 of a bag of white chocolate melts, melting in a large bowl in the microwave according to package directions. I poured my chocolate into a piping bag fitted with a #3 Wilton tip. I let this cool off for 5-10 minutes, so I could handle the chocolate without burning my hands too much. I piped out a bunch of snowflakes by tracing over my templates, but I still had a ton of chocolate leftover, so I free-handed stars and other little quirky designs. You only need like 6 snowflakes to decorate the cake, unless you're taking a hard pass on the meringues, then go snowflake crazy. Once piped, let these rest while you make your meringues; alternatively, if you're terrified of making meringues, let these sit on the counter for an hour or so before handling. Use a small angled spatula to gently lift off the Parchment and place on your cake.

Tiny but adorable. Super easy to make, so definitely don't skip this part!

Now, my next move was to make meringue. I studied several blog posts, websites, and baking videos. I felt confident I could do this. I'm also super into Pavlovas, and I need to know how to make meringue in order to eat my desired number of Pavlovas per year (I'm guessing about 50). I could still be studying how to make meringue, and it never would've properly prepared me. Much like earning the love of a good man, walking in 6-inch stilettos, or driving a manual transmission--you just have to go all in.

I mean, how hard can cracking three eggs be, right? Oh past, naive Kate...

Meringues are simple enough where ingredients are concerned:

• 3 egg whites at room temperature
• 1/4 tsp cream of tartar
• 1/2 tsp clear vanilla extract
• 3/4 cup of Swerve granular

I HIGHLY recommend going to view this video and extremely lengthy blog post about how to make a decent meringue. I could spend at least 6 blog posts detailing this process, but I have an entire cake to go eat, so go check that out and get my CliffNotes version here. Basically, you whip your whites, tartar, and vanilla on medium high until the whites begin to get stiff. Then, while the mixer is still running, dump in the sugar very slowly, allowing it to become fully dissolved before adding in any more. When you have extremely stiff peaks forming in your bowl (i.e., you can stop the mixer, pull up the attachment, and the meringue stays perfectly put on it, you're there).

Piping can be a bit tricky, but I am here for you.

I preheated my oven to 215 and lined a large baking tray with Parchment. I then fitted several piping bags with (from left to right) an Ateco #869 tip, a #1M tip, a #2D tip, and a #32 tip. I painted the piping bag with the Ateco #869 tip with 4 stripes of blue gel dye, then plopped some meringue in. I then piped large mounds (seen in blue and white below), before taking plain white meringue, making some stars and large mounds with my 1M tip and some roses with my 2D tip, and then dyed what I had leftover with a tiny drop of blue gel dye and put it in my bag with my #32 tip and piped smaller stars and swirls.

I was so full of hope.

Before everything went wrong, looking back, I could've easily prevented some disasters from happening (hindsight is a cruel mistress). I should have put my meringue in the fridge to keep it firm while I piped with different tips. My roses were last, and my meringue was not as cold, so these completely lost their shape in the oven and turned into blobs resembling dog poo. I also did not need to cook these anywhere nearly as long as I had found in my meringue studies. My oven cooks very, very hot, so I should have pulled the plug around 40 minutes; I was terrified to open the oven door and check on them though, and the oven light didn't show signs of burning, but by the time I hit 60 minutes and turned the oven off, my smaller pieces were tanner than I have ever been in my life. Thankfully, the bigger meringues were only slightly tanned, so they made the cut.

You really need a watchful eye with these because the second they all *look* done, turn your oven off, crack open the door, and let your meringues continue to fully cool in the oven and finish up. Next time, I know to pay closer attention to the timing. But burnt or not, the pieces I didn't use on my cake still tasted absolutely delicious. For science!

Thanks for saving the day, tiny Rumchata bottle.

 Thankfully, frosting this cake is an absolute breeze, even if it looks time consuming with the end result. Honestly, it took me 5-10 minutes from start to finish/assembly to fully frosted. The magic of piping bags, baby. For the frosting you need:

• 4 ounces of 1/3 fat cream cheese at room temp
• 1/2 cup of butter at room temp
• 1 tsp clear vanilla extract
• 1/4 tsp cinnamon
• 3 TBS Rumchata
• 2 cups powdered sugar
• One 12oz bag of Swerve confectioners

Blend the butter and cream cheese for 2-3 minutes, until fluffy and fully mixed. Add in the vanilla, cinnamon, one TBS Rumchata, and the 2 cups of powdered sugar. Blend on medium-low until just mixed, then add in the Swerve and last two TBS of Rumchata. Blend fully until you have a nice consistency for piping. Divide your frosting into thirds. One third will stay white, one third will get a few (3-4) drops of blue gel dye, and the final third will get about 6 drops of blue gel dye.

You want a gradual color change, nothing too intense.

  Place each of these colors into their own piping bag fitted with a #12 round tip. Now, get your cakes out of the freezer and place one layer face down on a cake plate.

This is the opposite of the Target logo.

I wanted a neat surprise inside of the cake, but not one as time consuming and crazy as another damn vertical layer cake (I came, I saw, I conquered, I ate). So I took my white frosting, piped out a few circles on the outer edge of the cake, then took my lighter blue and piped a few circles on the middle of the cake, and then took my darkest blue and piped the middle. Then I took an angled spatula and smoothed out:

Like a delicious bullseye.

I took another layer of cake, placed evenly on top of this, and repeated my swirled filling. I took my final layer, placed it face down on top of this, and then got ready for an easy ombre frosting job.

I swear I was not drinking the Rumchata when I did this.

Basically, starting at the bottom of your cake and working your way up, pipe out several lines of dark blue on the bottom cake layer, several lines of light blue on the middle cake layer, and pipe white lines on the last layer and the top of the cake. This takes like 2 minutes. You don't have to be exact, it doesn't have to look good, you just need a nice thick layer around the cake.

The best baking tool you could ever buy is obviously the bench scraper, because it can take you from hot mess to totally flawless in one swipe. Like the cake equivalent of a beauty blender.

I placed a bench scraper parallel to the side of my cake, pressed it gently into the side, and turned my cake table slowly. After a full rotation around my cake, I cleaned off excess frosting from my scraper, and took another pass. I repeated this a third time and all my colors had been blended together nicely. I used an angled spatula to smooth the top of the cake and then, because I have a real problem with Florida's lack of seasonally-appropriate weather, added sanding sugar to the top to look like snow. It will be the only snow I see this month, guaranteed.

The weather outside is frightful(ly hot), but Rumchata cake is so delightful...

I then grabbed some snowflakes, stars, and a few meringues and gently pressed them into my cake to achieve my desired look, or as I'm calling it, "What I wish it looked like when I stare out my window."

Instead, I shall settle for "What it looks like on my plate."

I love the cute little pop of color the frosting layers on the inside of the cake have. I am definitely going to use this technique again on the future to add some flare to the inside of a cake the easy way.

Looking at this cake makes me feel so cold inside. I love it.

It may not ever dip below freezing here in Florida, but thanks to baking, I can fake it until I make it to Tahoe in January. I'm prepared to freeze my entire butt off, and I could not be more excited about the prospect. I just want to be an environment that makes my cold little heart feel right at home, what can I say. Aside from my near meringue meltdown, I had a ton of fun getting in to the season baking and decorating this cake. But anything filled with tons of booze generally helps liven up the holiday spirit anyway. Peppermint is great, but Rumchata is next level holiday goodness. It's simple to make, and the flavor is anything but. It's buttery and smooth, sweet but not too sweet (yes, this is a thing), and the Rumchata lingers on your tongue like Rumchata was made to do. It's definitely a cake that will give you a holly jolly Christmas. 'Til next time, my fellow eaters!

I can almost remember what it feels like to not be a muggy hot mess when I look at this cake, and that's the greatest gift of all.

A Lesson in Pumpkin Spice

Up until like four days ago, I was still wearing shorts and flip flops on a regular basis because Florida doesn’t believe in fall. Imagine my delight when a “coolish” front finally pushed through and plunged temperatures into the mid-60s (Floridians refuse to go outside for anything under 70 degrees) with gray skies and plenty of rain. This is my weather—the cooler days without sunshine and plenty of clouds. If it’s raining to boot, I am in my happy place, probably doing one of two things this weather is perfect for: curled up with a book and a dog or working on puzzle while listening to “I’m Only Happy When It Rains” by Garbage. If you’ve known me longer than five minutes, you know this is my favorite band. So as a nerdy pluviophile with great taste in music, these rainy, cold days (it’s 50, hallelujah!) are my comfort weather days. And you know what goes fantastically with comfort weather? Comfort food! Say hello to my only* pumpkin creation of this extremely brief fall season: chocolate pumpkin cupcakes with cinnamon cream cheese frosting and chocolate leaves.

*My husband is not a basic white girl, so he only likes pumpkin spice in moderation. I was afraid “irreconcilable differences” might get thrown around due to my desire to put pumpkin spice in literally everything for the entire month of November. I refrain from over pumpkin spicing for the sake of love.

I wanted a cupcake that had a subtle pumpkin flavor...I guess you could say what I was going for was the opposite of walking into a Starbucks and getting punched in the mouth by a pumpkin spice latte from a barista with mermaid hair named McKenzie, who's wearing leggings as pants and definitely draws hearts over the 'i' anyone's name. I wanted the flavor to slowly wash over the tongue--hints of pumpkin intermingled with chocolate and finished off with a burst of cinnamon cream cheese silk. No offense to anyone named McKenzie, but I was going for "high class pumpkin spice" here. And it was definitely achieved. I can't believe I had never thought to combine chocolate and pumpkin before--much like peanut butter and jelly, these two flavors go together like absolute magic. Nothing's overpowered by pumpkin, just enhanced by it. Seriously, this recipe is so easy and so quick, you really just have to try it yourself to have a full "fall flavor" experience. As usual, saving the best part for last, this recipe makes one dozen cupcakes--each only 200 calories a piece. Which as you know, means I eat them one in each hand. Classy.

Only 5 ingredients from releasing your inner basic-ness...

 You could easily double this recipe for 24 cupcakes, but since I happened to have half a chocolate cake mix leftover from my Halloween cake, and I definitely did not need to eat two dozen cupcakes (I think), this amount was perfect for me while my husband is away for most of the week. To make the chocolate pumpkin cupcakes, all you need is:

• 1/2 box of chocolate cake mix
• 1 egg white
• 5 ounces diet creme soda
• 1 tsp pumpkin spice (seriously, it's the perfect amount--don't over do it!)
• 1/2 cup of canned pumpkin

Preheat your oven to 350 (my fancy new oven does convection baking, so 325 if you have that feature), and mix together all ingredients in your stand mixer for 2 minutes on medium high. Line a muffin tin with cupcake wrappers and gently spray with cooking spray. I only had Halloween cupcake liners on hand, but the color scheme worked perfectly for my tri-colored swirl frosting. Small miracles.

Small, pumpkiny miracles.

 Take a cookie scoop, grease with cooking spray, and plop a scoop and a half into each cup. Tap your tin gently on the counter to release air bubbles, then place into the oven for 15 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out of the center of a cupcake clean. Set your tin on a cooling rack for 10 minutes, then remove the cupcakes from the pan to finish cooling on the rack. Cupcakes cool in record time, so make your frosting and leaves, and they'll be ready by then.

And so worth the wait.

 Making the leaves is probably the most time consuming portion of this endeavor. Since Autumn, or as Americans call it, "Fall. Because leaf fall down," is all about those gorgeous changing of colors, you really should take a few minutes to pipe out some stellar foliage. Unlike real leaves, these are edible, and therefore, worth your time.

Ah, the maple leaf. When piped with chocolate, it looks more like a pot plant. Lesson learned.

 I used *Parchment* and not wax paper in the end for this. But first, I found some leaf templates I liked online, printed them out, and then placed Parchment paper on top of the printouts, so I could easily see the lines I needed to trace.

Told you. That's definitely a pot leaf.

Take 1/3 cup of semisweet chocolate chips and melt on 50% power in the microwave for 1 minute. Stir until smooth, then load into a piping bag fitted with a #3 round tip. Carefully pipe over the templates on your Parchment paper. I made a few extra in case of breakage. Try to make thick lines so your leaves aren't too fragile. I ended up getting to eat my extra leaves because I miraculously was able to leave these alone to set for the proper amount of time while I made my frosting and piped my cupcakes. Seriously...don't touch them once you've piped out the chocolate for at least 20 minutes. Then only gently lift the Parchment sheet and place it in the fridge for your leaves to finish setting, another 15 minutes. Out of sight, out of mind while you make frosting!

Okay, way more than five ingredients here, but worth it for the fall vibe.

For the frosting, you'll need:

• 4 ounces of 1/3 fat cream cheese at room temp
• 1/4 cup of butter at room temp
• 1 cup of Swerve confectioners
• 1 cup of powdered sugar
• 1/2 tsp vanilla
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 1 TBS skim milk

I chose to go with cinnamon cream cheese to in order to not pumpkin spice the hell out of my cupcakes, but you could easily swap the cinnamon with pumpkin spice to live up to your Ugg-boot-wearing, vests-with-everything fall potential. I also find the 1:1 ratio of Swerve to powdered sugar gives the best flavor without the cooling effects of Swerve but still with very low calorie content. This frosting is so perfectly flavored and autumnal that it mentally transports me to the fall section of Hobby Lobby with every bite. I'm afraid to *actually* go to Hobby Lobby because I know they're already playing Christmas music even though there's another flipping holiday between now and then...ahem. I digress.

Mix together the cream cheese and butter until well blended, then dump in the sugars, vanilla, and cinnamon. Mix well and add in milk as needed. You want a stiff consistency, and since the cream cheese is so silky, it won't take much milk for perfect piping consistency.

It doesn't seem like much in the recipe, but it makes a Chipotle-burrito-sized amount of frosting, as seen here, with my poor weak hand about to give way under its weight.

Making the three-toned color effect is actually super simple. You need some food-safe paintbrushes (read: paint brushes you've never used with actual paint), red, orange, and yellow gel dye, and a 1M piping tip. Fit a piping bag with your tip, then take turns painting a line of red, a line of orange, and a line of yellow on the inside of your piping bag, being sure to use a different paint brush for each color. I had two stripes of each color (6 stripes total) in my bag, then I carefully loaded up my frosting and piped out a small amount to get the colors going.

Then swirl, swirl away.

I piped a traditional swirl with my 1M tip, allowing all three colors to show up on each cupcake, and giving me a place to put my leaves.

Halloween cupcake liners, you the real MVP.

Each cupcake will have a unique color swirl as the frosting works its way over the dye and out of the bag. I love multicolored frosting because of this. It's like owning a favorite pair of pants in 5 different colors. Same style, but so many possibilities. Magic! ...now we know for sure I've earned my basic white girl-ness without a doubt. I am not proud of the number of colored jeggings I own.

The most maple-y, least pot leafy one of the bunch.

 Once you've frosted and your leaves are TOTAL DRY TO THE TOUCH, take an angled spatula and gently lift the leaves off of the Parchment paper one at a time, placing each on top of a cupcake with the help of the spatula. Don't touch with your fingers, or you will definitely cause some breakage. Unless you've been gifted with cat-like dexterity, anyway.

This was my favorite style. Simple, but effective. Like how every Starbucks barista wishes you'd order in the fall.

 Repeat until you've used all your leaves. Told you, these are quick, easy, and oh dear sweet pumpkin spice baby Jesus, so delicious. It's got the right balance of everything--first you're hit with chocolate, then the pumpkin comes waving in followed by the smooth boldness of the cinnamon cream cheese. I'm running out of adjectives to describe how utterly perfect these are, so just bake them yourself and discover a brand new fall staple. Maybe they help you survive Thanksgiving. Maybe you keep some in your car for Black Friday shopping fuel. Maybe you hide them from your family because they're too good to share. Whatever you decide, you won't regret a single bite. Happy Fall, y'all. 'Til next time, my fellow eaters!

Fall will always be the tastiest.

Even the Dead Like Cake

I have been dying to get into my new kitchen and bake, but we have been so busy between moving into the new house, cleaning out the old house, having a spectacular time in Canada for our annual vacation, and pretty much having the best worst problems you can have as an adult that prevented me from doing so. We've been so busy that I didn't even decorate the outside of our new house for Halloween this year...I'm afraid all our new neighbors will think I'm normal. The horror. Halloween snuck up on us this year, like any holiday based around spooky spirits and mischief should, really, but I am so thankful that I at least had a few evenings after work to create one creepy cake before my favorite day of the entire year.We may have been the schmucks standing in line with the masses at Spirit Halloween for last minute costumes (my own personal hell--fitting, since I decided to go as the devil this year), but I will be damned if I have to do last minute Halloween dessert. To me, cake is a form of expression, and since the outside of my house looks completely normal, I amped the spookfest up to 11 inside. Literally, there's a dead guy trying to crawl his way out of my Halloween cake. Because, little known fact, Zombies also enjoy the taste of cake flesh (this is what I'm solely calling frosting from here on out). Prepare for a combination of "oohh" and "eww" with this vertical layer chocolate and vanilla cake with Salted Caramel Baileys buttercream frosting, chocolate ganache, skull decor, and delicious zombie fingers:

That's right, this way you get to eat the zombie and not the other way around.

For real, best fingers I've ever eaten right next to chicken. These were super easy to make, but then again, I think after making the vertical layer portion of the cake, rocket science would've felt easier, too. I tried a different approach from my last vertical layer cake, and this almost ended in near disaster and the saddest Halloween since my final year of being allowed to Trick or Treat. Thankfully, I could pull this one together and perform a resurrection of my nearly dead idea. This cake hits all the flavor high notes--not as spongy as my last vertical layer cake for sure, so the flavor shines much better. A combo forkful of vanilla layer mixed with chocolate layer, a thick slathering of Bailey's frosting (cake flesh), and a finish with smooth, rich chocolate ganache, and this cake is what I shall call "spellbinding." I save a huge bite of Oreo dirt crumbs, ganache, and frosting for last, and it's so good I forget who I am for a minute. I am then reminded that I am a woman who friggin' loves to eat cake, which is why I managed to knock this recipe down to 340 calories a slice for 16 slices total because it is technically one a half cakes, and I am technically the kind of person who sees that as a personal best eating challenge. Maybe next year I'll just dress up as a racoon and rifle through cakes and desserts at a Halloween party "in character."

I mean, I made a great devil (irony?), but I'd be an even better Trash Panda.

Now, if you're afraid to be haunted by a cake wreck, you can always skip vertical layers and make three 8-inch round cakes each in orange, purple, and black, and still make this amazingly stunning-yet-gross-looking cake. But there is something to be said for the vertical layers here because they really add to the cake's spooky scale. To make, you'll need:

• One box vanilla cake mix
• 10 ounces diet creme soda
• Orange and purple gel dye
• 2 egg yolks
• Meringue (see below)
• Half a box of chocolate cake mix
• 5 ounces diet cola (I used Cherry Coke Zero)
• Black gel dye
• 1 egg yolk
• Meringue (see below)

To make the meringue, you need 6 egg whites, 1/4 cup Swerve granular, and a stand mixer. Beat the egg whites on high for 5 minutes, until stiff peaks form. Blend in the Swerve on low. Set this aside in another bowl and prepare 2 jelly roll pans with foil: make two gutters--one for each cake color--on your first pan. You only need one gutter on your second pan. Spray with cooking spray. Preheat your oven to 350 and clean out your mixing bowl. Dump the vanilla cake mix, 2 egg yolks, and creme soda in. Mix on medium-high for 2 minutes. Take 2/3 of the meringue, and fold in on low until just mixed. Now, take another medium bowl (hi, we're using ALL your dished for this), and dump half the prepared cake batter into in. Dye one half of your cake mix a very deep purple and the other half a bright orange. Pour each color into a prepared foil gutter:

Oh yeah, it's about to get festive.

My new oven and I are still in the "Getting to know you" stage, but so far it has very pleasant, melodic alert tones (so soothing), the inside is bright purple (it's awesome), and it broils faster than the sun (sorry, tostadas), but convection bakes evenly. I ended up baking these for 16 minutes before resting on a cooling rack for 10 minutes still in the pan. I then tried "the towel rolling trick" used for jelly roll cakes...which I beg you not to do. Later, my unrolled and fully cooled cakes broke apart so easily that it was a tragedy and close to a Level 10 meltdown on my end (have some sympathy for the devil). Since I made these the same as my last vertical layer cake, this step was the only difference and led to tons of breakage instead of a few cracks here and there. Just flip your cakes onto Parchment paper, remove the foil, and let them finish cooling, sans towels, on top of a cooling rack while you make your next cake.

Pictured: a huge mistake.

While your purple and orange cakes cool, clean out your mixer bowl...again...and mix together half the chocolate cake mix, the soda, the remaining egg yolk, and blend for 2 minutes. Add in the black gel dye, mix well, and finish by folding in the last of the meringue on low. Turn into the final prepared gutter and bake until a toothpick comes out of the cake clean. Cool using the steps above until room temp.

I have never needed Baileys more in my life than in that towel incident.

I have not made my Baileys frosting in ages, so this seemed like a natural (and tasty) choice for a cake with vanilla and chocolate flavors. You'll need:

• 1 cup of butter at room temp
• 1 TBS of clear vanilla
• 2 12oz bags of Swerve confectioners
• 6 TBS Salted Caramel or regular Baileys
• Lime gel dye

Whip the butter in your super used and abused stand mixer bowl (sorry) until fluffy. Add in the vanilla, 3 TBS Baileys and one bag of Swerve. Blend well before adding the final bag and final 3 TBS of Baileys. I like to stand close to the bowl and let the scent of Baileys completely wash over me. I don't really drink, so this is my version of a contact drink I guess. Dye this SUPER DUPER LIMIEST OF LIME GREENS. Because lime green and black are the superior Halloween color combo (no one likes you, orange). Set this aside and turn your attention back to those vibrant cake strips!

If this was a color swatch, it would be labeled "Shrek green."

Once your cakes are cooled, cut the ends til they are even and trim the sides as needed so they're all the same width. You don't need as much of the orange cake, so you can trim about a 1/3 of it off and eat the scraps. You've earned this. Now, slather each strip with a thick layer of frosting and get ready to roll. Starting with the orange cake, gently roll up like a carpet (I've still got moving on the brain, apparently). Once rolled, set on the edge of the purple cake so the ends meet. Roll this onto the purple layer and continue rolling until you reach the end of that layer. Carefully place this massive stack of cake on the final black layer, ends meeting, and roll up. Things will crack here and there, which is fine, since cracks can get covered with frosting.

Definitely getting a Franken-vibe...

Roll your cake into several layers of plastic wrap and place on a cake round. I gently smooshed my cake on all sides to make sure the frosting layer was distributed evenly. Place this in the freezer for at least 2 hours to firm and set. I left mine overnight and put my remaining frosting in a Tupperware for the next day.

Soooo many hiding cracks...

Thanks, cake flesh, for covering the massive cracks all over this cake. Much like how my human flesh covers all my cracked joints (I assume, since everything pops a lot for no reason), this layer hides the boo-boos (not ghosts) of the towel rolling incident. When your cake is set, simply coat in a thick layer of frosting, ensuring you're using a lot of frosting in any areas with cracks to glue things together and create an even coat. You could crumb coat, but I skipped this since my cake was totally frozen and didn't have any crummies. I placed into the freezer for 30 minutes before removing to smooth out with the paper towel trick and putting back into the freezer for another 30-45 minutes (it was dinner time) before adding ganache. Ganache is liquid-hot magma, so you want an extremely firm buttercream before it goes on.

Time to make corpse fingers! Yeah!

With the cake fully prepped, it's time to move on to the delightful step of making dead guy fingers. I am strange. For the fingers, you need:

• 5 pretzel rods, cut into the size of your fingers
• 1/2 bag of lime green chocolate melts
• 5 almond slivers
• 8 Oreo thins, cream removed, possibly eaten...but do crush the remaining wafers
• Parchment paper 
• Toothpick

Once you've got the pretzels cut, melt your chocolate according to package instructions in a small but deep dish or Tupperware. Dip a rod all the way into the melted chocolate, then gently tap the rod on the side of the dish to remove excess coating. Gently set onto Parchment paper and place an almond sliver on top to give it a fingernail. Repeat! I made extra because I was sure I'd screw a few up. I think that's called being proactive self deprecation?

Like giving yourself the finger.

 Let these set up until they are no longer glossy, then take a toothpick and gently roll little lines in to create knuckles:

This was a lot of fun and totally creepy.

 Give these at least 30 minutes to finish setting before you put them on the cake. While you're waiting, make your ganache by dumping 2 TBS of skim milk and 1/2 cup of semisweet chocolate chips into a bowl. Melt on 50% power for 1 minute, mix, and repeat if needed. Pour this into a liquid measuring cup and let it cool and thicken for 5-10 minutes.

Frankenstein's monster? Is that you?

Decidedly, you could forgo the fingers and just make this Frankenstein's monster's head and pipe on eyes, mouth, and bolts. BUT the fingers are the piece de resistance, so stay the course. Pour ganache on your cake and smooth out with an angled spatula, pushing ganache onto the sides. Sprinkle Oreo crumbs in the middle of the ganache where the fingers will be clawing their way out of the cake.

Oh yes. Full spookiness achieved.

Carefully wiggle each finger into the cake to make it look like a hand is coming up out of the ground. I pretty much modeled how this would look with my own hand (ominous) and then put into the cake with that image in mind. Even after picturing my hands crawling out of the grave, still wanted cake, so a testament to my gluttony.

Always finish with sprinkles. Always.

I had these adorable skull sprinkles leftover from my witch hat cookies, so I created a border around my cake by gently placing into the side one at a time. This took it to the next level for me and was a great finishing touch...from a cake that could reach out and touch you, so that's saying something.

Alternatively, he could just be waving hello.

Let your cake sit in the fridge for a few hours to firm up the ganache before serving. Since you want to be able to slice clean layers, a chilled cake will really help with this. You will get some Oreo crumbs in your layers when you slice, but they're worth it for the dirt effect they give.

A few crumbs, but still, totally Halloween appropriate.

The COLORS are so bright and still so spooky and perfectly Halloween. I am so happy this cake still turned out okay even with the massive cracks from the towel incident. Thank God cake flesh can hold it all together! This really is one of my favorite Halloween bakes of all time, and since it was a labor of love with the vertical layers, I appreciate it even more and think that this definitely helped make it taste even better (but it's probably just the Baileys). While I spend actual Halloween night with all the lights off, hiding from children (my #1 nightmare), I'm just extremely happy I get to spend it with this cake, too. Each bite has amazing flavor, and those fingers are flipping delicious. I am going to watch Hocus Pocus and Nightmare Before Christmas about 5 more times in the next three days, ensconce myself in black and skulls, and just really let my weird little light shine because "This is Halloween!" The most wonderful time of the year! One of the last days before you're hit in the face with Christmas music for two months straight and sanity-questioning gift shopping. 'Til next time, my fellow eaters!

Peek-a-boo!