Bone to be Wild

It's mid-October, and I am dying over the fall weather in New Mexico. Chilly walks in the morning get an A+ for spookiness because there's usually several flocks of black birds and Chihuahuan Ravens cawing from the rooftops as the sun rises, and boy, does it ever make me feel right in my creepy element, and I LOVE IT! This inspired me to create a scene of one of my other favorite spooky places: Spiral Hill in Nightmare Before Christmas. Everyone needs a good hill to sing their heart out on, but when you add tombstones and deranged, demented pumpkins, it's just perfect. After all, demons are a girl's best friend.

Let's give 'em pumpkin to talk about.

Oh, I may be all about the terrors of the night, but we also know I am all about the sprinkle sparkle--so I had to make the night sky shine with some luster dust that really only picks up on video. It's a constant war in my head between "make it sparkly, but somehow also make it spooky," because inside, I am the Wicked Witch of the West just wrapped into a Glinda the Good Witch exterior, but I say, if the broom fits, fly it.

 

 Yeah, Jack looks more like a crash test dummy, so he definitely is a good example of why you should always use stencil templates instead of free-handing, especially when you're distinctly aware of the fact that you cannot draw a stick figure, but I am very pleased with how the rest of this cake turned out. The absolute best part is this is my first pumpkin dessert of the season, which means fall has truly arrived! It is a chocolate pumpkin cake because these are two flavors that just go so right together but no one ever thinks to combine them. But the nutmeg, cloves, and cinnamon in pumpkin spice and the smooth richness of chocolate are a match made in heaven, even though this is an evil Halloween blog. It's all treats and no tricks, too, because it's only 226 calories a slice for 9 slices total (I like to eat my cake with a side of cake, so you could easily make this 12 servings for 170 calories).

 

Pumpkin spice and everything nice, indeed.

Even if you only sorta like pumpkin, you've gotta try it with chocolate...it's next level. This cake is SUPER easy to make, you just need:

• 1 box of chocolate cake mix
• 1/2 cup (111 grams) unsweetened applesauce
• 1/4 cup (41 grams) egg whites
• 1 cup (244 grams) pumpkin puree
• 3/4 cup of milk
• 1 tsp of pumpkin pie spice (a little goes a very long way...)
  

Did I eat a spoonful of plain pumpkin? Or is there another reason it's still on the counter? ...IYKYK.

Start by preheating your oven to 350 and mixing all ingredients in a stand mixer for 2 minutes on medium high. Pour your batter into a 9x13 baking sheet that has been thoroughly sprayed with Pam or cooking spray beforehand. Bake this for 25 minutes or until a toothpick comes out of the cake clean,

I just love a good sheet cake. Sheet dreams are made of this!

Let the cake cool in the pan on top of a cooling rack for 10 minutes before you turn it out onto the cooling rack...I use a tea towel on top of the cake so when I flip the pan over, it's got somewhere soft to land on the rack. Put this in the fridge to cool off while you make delicious black cocoa cream cheese frosting.

Black cocoa is the MVP of black frosting recipes

This is a yogurt and cream cheese frosting, so be sure to strain your yogurt overnight in a sieve. I put a bunch of Viva paper towels (a cheesecloth would also work) in the strainer, then measure out the yogurt I need, put this on the paper towels, cover, and let sit in the fridge overnight to strain. Don't skip this step if you want to have a stiff, pipe-able frosting. You need:

• 8 ounces of 1/3 the fat cream cheese at room temp
• 1 cup (226 grams) yogurt, chilled and strained --I used vanilla, but if you can find pumpkin flavor...
• 1 1/2 cups Lakanto monkfruit or powdered sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 2 tsp cinnamon extract (alternatively, just use 1 TBS vanilla and omit this if you don't have cinnamon extract)
• 1/4 cup of black cocoa (I find mine on Amazon)
  

Whip the yogurt and cream cheese together for 2 minutes on medium high before adding the sugar and extracts. Mix well, then remove a portion of plain white frosting to save for the yellow moon and orange pumpkins later. This makes a lot of frosting--I only used about 1/3 since I didn't frost the sides of my sheet cake. You can freeze the rest for later because having black frosting on hand is handy even during Christmas (too soon).

You don't need a lot!

Now, turn your attention back to the mixing bowl and add the 1/4 cup of black cocoa. Mix well, until you have a frosting so black, you're worried it might consume your soul.

Given the opportunity, it most definitely would.

Now, take your fully cooled cake and slather a layer of that gorgeous, soul-sucking black frosting on top. It doesn't need to be perfectly smooth; I used a sweeping motion with my angled spatula to give the background some texture. Then place it in the freezer to set for 15 minutes while you make your moon stencils.

It's like staring into the world's most delicious abyss.

Don't worry, you don't need an actual compass.

So I took Parchment paper, a pencil, and a drinking glass to trace the cup upside down for a larger circle, and then right side up for a smaller circle/the base of the glass. Then I used my X-acto knife to cut out the inside of the circles.

Could be the start of a spooky ghost mask.

I cut these into two sheets, as pictured above. You'll need the larger hole to start with. So take some of your reserved frosting, and dye it yellow. You'll also need an angled spatula or a paint brush.

The dark side of the moon.

Place your larger template on top of your chilled frosting. Use your fingers or a paintbrush to gently push the edges down into the frosting so the yellow doesn't bleed everywhere.

Heap some yellow frosting into the center of the circle and spread it out evenly.

Then use your angled spatula to smooth out and sweep off excess frosting. This is going to be the outer glow of the moon, so you only need a very thin layer of frosting. Some black peeping through is fine:

I see the light!

You can remove your template now and use your paintbrush or angled spatula to make small sweeping motions from the outside edges of the moon out to the black on the cake to create that halo.

Hide your werewolves.

Now, throw back in the freezer for 15 minutes to let this layer set. Then you'll repeat with the smaller circle to make the main moon.

1. Smaller Stencil.

2. Even more yellow frosting & smoothing out with angled spatula.

3. Howl at the moon.

Now, grab a toothpick and carefully draw out spiral hill on top of the moon and rest of the cake. I should have moved this down a bit to make my hill bigger. By the time I got to Jack, he had a wee little space to fit in, which also adds to his unfortunate appearance. The Pumpkin King deserved better from me, the Pun-kin Queen of Halloween.

Cake decorating is hard work. You don't know Jack-o-lantern if you think it's a piece of cake. Well, eating it literally is anyway.

I took my bowl full of black frosting and loaded a bunch of it into a piping bag fitted with a coupler and a #5 round tip. I then traced the outline of the hill, and filled it in with more frosting. I used a palette knife, but an angled spatula would also work, to give the hill some texture.

Oh no, this is giving me Florida flashbacks. No waves! No beach!

I used my piping bag to draw a pretty rudimentary fence to meet up along side the hill, then drew out a few tombstones, using my palette knife to smooth them out. I also used a toothpick to draw Jack before butchering his appearance...I piped him out with a #2 round tip, but I HIGHLY suggest cutting out a template like I did with the moon and frosting him on top of the moon that way. And also, make him and the hill bigger. He is a larger than life character, after all.

He was bone to be wild, and I made him look mild. Sadness.

I also drew in some vines in black around each tombstone and along the sides of the cake. Then I took my last little bit of white frosting, dyed it orange, and put it into a piping bag with a #18 star tip. I piped a little field of cute pumpkins all over the graveyard. Simply pipe up and away quickly to create the pumpkin shape.

This is simply not creepy enough.

So, to remedy, I put the rest of my yellow frosting into a piping bag with a #2 round tip and piped tiny Jack-o-lantern faces on some of the pumpkins.

Are they smiling or screaming?

Now, NOTHING IS DONE IF THERE AREN'T SPRINKLES. Or in this case, edible glitter dust.

Always wondered if this would work as an eye shadow, not gonna lie.

This is my black disco dust, or edible food glitter. I ordered it from Amazon sixty-seven years ago, an Id have only ever remembered to use it twice. This being one of those times. I used a paintbrush dipped into the jar and then gently tapped the dust around the top half/sky portion of my cake, avoiding the moon.

Pictures don't do it justice.

This took the cake from being okay to being, OH, KAY! A little sparkle is always needed, even during Halloween.

I mean, it's a cake dedicated to a skeleton that wore a tuxedo. We need flare.

My poor Jack may look jacked up, but I love my creepy pumpkins, the texture and way my Spiral Hill turned out, and my spooky halo moon. I definitely think this is a cake I'll remake in a few years...with a template for Jack. He needs to shine! Like my night sky.

And maybe some different styles of tombstones.

Not every cake can be perfect, and sometimes the flaws make it a little more fun. That's probably why I enjoy Halloween baking so much. Things are supposed to look a little creepy and rough around the edges this time of year!

Turning that baking fail into a baking lesson!

I mean, poor Jack aside (he even looked better than this when he tried to be Santa), it's a still a cake. And oh my, what a yummy cake it is. I know pumpkin flavor has turned into the flavor of the basic white girl thanks to Starbucks (the one thing Seattle didn't get right), but pumpkin is still a solid flavor choice for October and November. And I'm telling you, even if you're on the fence or only kinda tolerate pumpkin flavor, just do me a favor and try it paired with chocolate. I promise it will make you a believer and part-time basic white girl. It is just so good with chocolate, and add in that black cocoa frosting (think Oreo cookie) along with the chocolate in the cake, and pumpkin is not the star player here, but part of a bigger cast of flavor. You know, consider these tastes the Lock, Shock, and Barrel of Halloween Town. Always working together to create havoc and mischief for your waistline. Worth it. I'll be back once more before Halloween with my final bake of Baketober (sad Mayor of Halloween Town face). 'Til next time, my fellow eaters!

"For it is plain as anyone can see. We're simply meant to be." —Jack and Sally, or me, to a slice of this cake.

Booooooook!

Considering it's October, I'm still up to my old tricks and treats. You know, baking spooky things, watching Hocus Pocus at least once a day, and enjoying a seasonally appropriate gloomy, gray day (thank you, New Mexico!). If I had to pick, Hocus Pocus is my all-time favorite Halloween movie and has been since childhood. While most little girls wanted to be Sarah because she's blonde and pretty, I always loved Winifred best, even as a kid. I mean, she loves a good book, she doesn't suffer fools, and she looks fabulous in green...she's basic witch goals. That whole turning enemies into cats thing would also come in pretty handy. Since we're still getting the house set up, I didn't have a ton of free time to bake this weekend, so I opted for a quick, easy tribute to my favorite of all witches...

"Hello. I want my book. Bonjour. Je veux mon livre."

My biggest hope is the sequel sees Winifred reuniting with her book, mostly so she can slap Max Dennison upside the head with it. Kid was a real tool, that's all I'm saying. But I had nary a scare in the world as I made and decorated these Booooook! brownies. They were so much fun, and truly, done in under an hour. If you're looking for a dessert that appears to have taken all day, but takes a solid 30 minutes of work total, these book brownies fit (and hit) the spot. I wish I could say they're super low cal, but anything coated in layers of chocolate is gonna hit the macros a little hard. The recipe I used makes 12 brownies at 329 calories a piece. If you opt to leave the chocolate coating off, they're 229 calories, but they won't be as delicious...just creepin' it real. You gotta indulge every once in a while, and feasting & sweatpants season has begun anyway.

If I was actually a witch, the only spell I'd ever cast is making all desserts zero calories.

I'm still feeling out the grocery stores here to see what they offer in the way of gluten free baking mixes which has been turning into, well, a real witch hunt. BUT I was happy find Bob's Red Mill gluten free brownie mix at our health food store to test out (you know, for science). I am now absolutely hooked on this mix because it makes the fudgiest brownies. If you like cakey brownies, 1. Just no. & 2. Why not just make...a cake? Give me bricks of chocolatey fudge or give me, well, I'd still eat the cake brownies, but I wouldn't be completely happy about it. To make these, all you need is:

• 1 bag of Bob's Red Mill gluten free brownie mix (or your favorite box brownie mix)
• 1/4 cup of water
• 1/2 cup of unsweetened applesauce
• 3 eggs

 Whisk all ingredients together by hand until smooth. Grease an 8x8 or 9x9 pan and preheat your oven to 325. Pour your batter into your prepared pan and bake until a toothpick comes out mostly clean...a few crumbs are fine, you just don't want liquid batter dripping off the toothpick. I baked in an 8x8 pan for 35 minutes.

These brownies put me in a trance, alright.

Once baked, I put these in the fridge to fully chill so they'd be easier to cut. Unlike last week's insight into serial killers, I did not enjoy cutting these the way I did sawing through Oreo's, so I was definitely meant to be a precise, strategic psycho murderer and not just your average slasher. In either case, I definitely butchered these brownies while cutting them, so maybe freeze them instead or try using a plastic knife.

Am I trying to use eyeball sprinkles on every bake this month? Eye'd like to say yes, but this is purely coincidental.

To finish the Boooook! brownies, you'll also need some yummy chocolate chips, black candy melts, candy eye sprinkles, and a piping bag with or without small round tips. Once my brownies were chilled completely, I hacked away into 12 pieces. Hacking is actually putting it nicely. I have watched horror movies where the killer was kinder in death than I was to these brownies.

Absolutely annihilated them.

Luckily, they were both cold and fudgy (Count Chocula's working biography title), so I was able to reshape them after all this happened. I only coated 6 brownies in chocolate and left the other 6 plain for my husband because he's not really into chocolate (maybe he's the serial killer, because that's truly an anomaly). I used 175 grams of Lily's sugar free semisweet chocolate chips to coat all 6 of what we're now referring to as "my brownies." ...but, really, aren't they all?

Eye put a spell on you, and now you're mine...

I mean, just throw on Bette Midler's version of "I Put a Spell on You," and I will get so pumped up you could convince me to rob a bank. I definitely hummed that song while I melted my chocolate and prepared to slather chocolate on more chocolate (which is also a good way to pump me up. You want to add chocolate to MORE chocolate? I'm in.). 

I melted the chips for 1 minute at 50% power, then stirred until all my chips were melted and smooth. I put down cling film on the counter since I'm out of Parchment and put my cooling rack with brownies on top of this. Then I used a large spoon to heap melted chocolate on top of each brownie, using the back of the spoon to smooth out the top and let the chocolate drip down the sides of the brownies. While the chocolate was still wet, I placed one eye on eye brownie. I put them back in the fridge to set while I melted my black candy melts (I had about 1/4 of an open bag left, and I had tons leftover after decorating my booooooks). These also melted at 1 minute/50% power, but I added 1 tsp of vegetable oil to smooth things out since they weren't brand new. Then I placed this in a piping bag with a #3 round tip. You could also just place in a piping bag or plastic baggy and make a small snip at the end with some scissors.

And then I gave them all a black eye. I really put these brownies through the ringer.

I drew a small circle around each book's eye. Then I drew two small semicircles at the right-hand corners. I took my coupler off my piping bag to draw a thick line to work as the spine for each book.

I feel like it's trying to tell me something...

Then I grabbed a toothpick and "pulled" the melted chocolate out to the right to give the spine s some texture:

But maybe he's just staring at me like that because he knows I'm going to eat him.

After this, I put my coupler back on and drew a zigzag pattern in the blank space.

You know, to make it look like human skin sewn together, because that's what book was really made of, and I value authenticity.

I drew thin, tiny lines across these zigzags to make it look like a stitched pattern. Then, I let these set in the fridge for 15 minutes.

Would Winifred eat them, or would she love them too much to do so? These are the real questions.

Once set, I used a knife to gently pry them off the cooling rack (what is it with me and knives this month?!). These live in the fridge to keep the chocolate from getting melty. I take them out about 15 minutes before we're ready to eat them so the chocolate is easy to bite through but isn't melty enough to make me look like Augustus Gloop (wrong movie for this blog).

Knowledge truly can be delicious.

I had an absolute blast in this edition of arts and witchcrafts. These were so easy to make, and they fill me with so much delight. I've never done a Hocus Pocus-inspired bake for Spooktober before, so it's about time. As a Winifred-in-training, it's essential that I, too, have my wonderful book of spells. I am hoping that when the chaos of painting and decorating the house subsides, I'll be able to take on a full day's worth of baking to make a cake that is either absolutely ghastly and grotesque, or absolutely terrifying and delightful. Until that happens, I have the world's fudgiest, chocolate book brownies to keep my taste buds company. They are definitely rich, but I like to devour an entire book in one sitting anyway, so this definitely works for me. I am 100% into the Halloween groove now, and I'm gonna thank hitting the books for that. 'Til next time, my fellow eaters!

Let's just hope we don't have to wait another 300 years for those Sanderson Sisters to return.

Aaahh!!! Real (Tasty) Monsters

The witch is back! Oh boy, it's been a real adventure since my last blog in August. We moved back out to New Mexico, driving cross country from Florida with two spazzy dogs (and sometimes two spazzy humans). After waiting almost 20 days without 98% of our belongings, our home goods finally got delivered which means BAKETOBER HAS COMMENCED! I was getting downright twitchy not being able to bake (and more over, not being able to eat said baked goods).  But I am happy to say that I'm not going to miss a single week of baking in October. I'm coming out frighting.

It's technically eye candy.

I know, they're absolutely awful, but that's kind of the point. I mean, I am a little rusty since it's been a couple months, so give a ghoul a break. But they are each delightful (or frightful) in their own weird little monstery way. And they are absolutely delish--it's a black cherry flavored cupcake with cream cheese frosting, and they are so yummy I have to eat them two at a time. I'm just glad they can't actually scream while I'm scarfing them down. And boo-lieve it or not, these terrifying little babies are only 142 calories a monstercake (recipe makes 18 total). They are so easy and so much fun to make, and they have me feeling all sorts of spooky and happy.

I may be blonde, but otherwise, I am Wednesday Addams.

The recipe itself is incredibly simple. I've done black velvet, Black Forest, most of the creepy flavors you can come up with for Halloween, but these just might be my new favorite. All you need is:

• 1 box of yellow or white cake mix (I used Whole Foods gluten free yellow cake mix)
• 1/2 cup (111 grams) of unsweetened applesauce
• 3/4 cup of skim or fat free milk
• 1/4 cup (79 grams) of egg whites or 2 whole eggs
• I box of sugar free black cherry Jell-o mix (10 grams of Jell-o powder) 

 Preheat your oven to 350 and line a couple muffin tins with cupcake wrappers (obviously, they need to be spooky to be seasonally appropriate). Mix together everything else on medium-high in a stand mixer for two minutes. I used a cookie scoop to plop one and a half scoops of batter into each cupcake wrapper. 

New kitchen counters and cabinets are giving this ghastly girl life.

I baked for 20 minutes...which, still learning my new oven here, was probably 2 minutes too long. Start checking for doneness with a toothpick around 18 minutes. Once a toothpick comes out clean, place your tins on top of cooling racks.

These wrappers are giving off Pugsley Addams vibes. Here for it.

After 10 minutes, remove the cupcakes from the tins and let cool completely before frosting. Things will be very grotesque, and not in a good way, if you don't let these cool first.

Don't waste cream cheese frosting...that's a cardinal baking sin.

To make the cream cheese frosting, all you need is:

• 8 ounces of 1/3 the fat cream cheese at room temp
• 1/2 cup (112 grams) reduced fat butter or spread (leave cold)
• 2-3 cups of Lakanto powdered monkfruit sweetener or regular powdered sugar
• 2 tsp vanilla extract

I had SO MUCH leftover frosting, and I used 3 cups of Lakanto. I'd recommend only 2 cups since 18 cupcakes don't need a ton of frosting. I froze half to use later for scary confections, so I'll probably thank myself for this next weekend. 

Start by whipping the cream cheese and butter together on medium-high in a stand mixer until fluffy, about 2 minutes. Add in your sugar/monkfruit and vanilla, blending on low until things start to come together, then switch to medium-high until well blended.

SPOOKY SPRINKLES™ RETURN!

So, I triple checked all my gel dyes before packing them up...and yet, the black still somehow managed to explode all over the bag it was in (Florida is nearly below sea level...give it time, but now we're up at 4,200 ft elevation, so things got very balloon-y). After cleaning all my bottles and dying my hands various shades of the rainbow, I managed to salvage all my dyes in what I'm referring to as a Halloween Miracle. 

Is there a Patron Saint of Halloween Baking? If so, they're my new favorite.

 I used orange, bright blue, bright purple, and lime green dyes for my monsters. I also kept a portion of frosting plain white for monster fangs. Other things you'll need include Oreo's for mouths, eyeball sprinkles (what do you mean you don't have these on hand already? What are you? Normal?!), various piping tips (open star, three star, basket weave, grass tip for hair, etc.). I pretty much used every tip I have to make random monsters. Remember, they're monsters, not models, we don't expect perfection, we expect scarefection.

It would not be a Halloween post without a knife. Ghostface and Jason Voorhees would be proud.

The absolute best way to cut an Oreo in half, surprisingly, is not with one's own mouth. Did I test this theory? Yes. About 6 six times. Was I sad it didn't work? No, because you can't be sad when you're full of gluten free Oreo's. Instead, I split an Oreo in half, picked out a serrated knife, and very, very slowly, with the meticulous persistence of a psycho murderer, sawed through until two clean, even pieces remained. And that, my friends, are how monster mouths are made, and how a serial killer may or may not have been born.

I mean, at least the monster looks happy about it.

I used a #2 round tip to pipe various fangs, buck teeth, and tiny teefs onto each Oreo half for my monster mouths. Your imagination allows for endless possibilities here. I then used a grass tip to pipe hair on several monsters, pictured above. On others I used open star tips to pipe stars or blobs, on others I used basket weave tips to create long tentacles. Truly, this is all up to how creative you feel like getting.

This is Peter. According to his Monster Match profile, he likes long walks on the beach, eating small children, and prefers robust red wines.

I did about 4 monsters of each color, tried piping some colors together, and pretty much just had a ball with it. I hadn't baked in well over a month, so I got busy having fun and totally did not take photos of each different version until I was done...

It's a field of screams.

Put that thing back where it came from, or so help me.

I very much so had to make a Mike Wazowski monstercake because he is my all-time favorite monster. I also made his apparently inbred three-eyed cousin and tiny pupil-ed sibling.

Don't worry, Sully was kinda there.

I used a grass tip with purple and later blue to make a tiny, hairy rendition of Sully, because Mike needs his friend, obviously. Is she serious? Will we ever know? I'm just saying, for a proper Scare Floor, you need both characters.

Oh hey there, my slightly unhinged orange friends.

These all gave me Animal from Sesame Street vibes...especially the dude in the back. I bet he can really play the heck out of a drum set.

Gotta love those Purple People Eaters.

Are they creepy in a fun way? You bet. So, my mission was accomplished on that front. But the FLAVOR...oh man, something as simple as adding a packet of Jell-o to this recipe took it to the next level. You get that amazing black cherry flavor, and it is so good with that slight tang of cream cheese frosting. If you wanted to make them even spookier, you could add a few drops of red and a drop of black food coloring to the mix to make the cupcakes look like monster blood or guts when you bite into them. You're welcome. That's what I'm here for, to deliver gross ways to eat baked goods in October.

I scream, you scream, we all scream, everyone's screaming...

For more cupcakes. I am not kidding, these are so good, even my husband that doesn't really like dessert has been eating them two at a time as well. This definitely makes me feel like less of a glutton then when I'm double-fisting cupcakes by myself...but I do realize this means we're gonna run out of monstercakes really fast, so I'll be back at it again this weekend, baking up a terrifying storm of Halloween horrors. Now that this basic witch has her baking tools back, Spooktober dessert possibilities are endless. 'Til next time, my fellow eaters!

A scarytale ending, indeed.