Because Normal People Celebrate Valentine's Day...

In all my life, outside of receiving chalky candy hearts in elementary school, I've never been a fan of Valentine's Day. I mean, I have "feelings." I, too, like to take long romantic strolls through Target with my husband, and if I'm being extra sappy, we'll even make a stop at Lowe's for his sake. Look, I've never been accused of being mushy. I'm a pragmatic romantic--I tell my husband to wait until the chocolates and Shari's Berries go on sale the day after Valentine's Day to bring any home. Pro tip: sale chocolate tastes way better than regular chocolate. But I wanted to try my hand at making a chocolate cage cake for awhile now, and I figured Valentine's Day probably qualified as the most seasonally appropriate holiday for me to do so outside of a super Gothic cage cake creation for Halloween, but I didn't want to wait over half a year to execute this idea. Besides, Valentine's Day is the perfect opportunity to remind your spouse why they love cake you, so baking a treat from the heart is always a good idea.

This is about as grand a romantic gesture as my tiny heart is capable of pulling off.

This strawberry cake covered in Swiss meringue buttercream (oh yes, it worked this time) and topped with chocolate-drizzled strawberries was the perfect backdrop for a fun, whimsical chocolate cage. I had an amazing time making this chocolate cage. I'm not going to lie--the hardest part about the entire decorating process was figuring out how to cut the cake once the cage was on it. These, my dear friend, are the best kind of problems to have. Whether you attack it with a knife, shovel, or your bare hands, it's a tasty mix of dark chocolate, sweet strawberry, and buttery-delicious Swiss meringue buttercream. Since it's already 70 in Florida, nutritional content was most definitely taken into consideration (I have a date with our pool in t-minus 2-3 weeks). This three-tiered six-inch round cake makes 12 servings for only 330 calories a slice (and that's with a chocolate-drizzled strawberry on top, literally). I'm also going to go on and on about how amazing Swiss meringue buttercream is (even if it is a pain in the butt to make), and it definitely lent itself to this low calorie count for something ensconced entirely in chocolate. A Valentine's Day miracle!

Thanks, Cupid.

I have not had strawberry cake in ages, and it is definitely in my top 5, so I was happy to try out the low-cal trick to see how it would turn out. Short answer: absolutely delicious. Long, selfish answer: I will not share with you because it's just too good. To make, you need:

• 1 box strawberry cake mix
• 2 egg whites 
• 10 ounces diet creme soda

Mix all the ingredients together for 2 minutes on medium high in a stand mixer. Preheat your oven to 350 and prepare three 6-inch round pans with cooking spray and line the outside with bake even strips. Pour mixed cake batter evenly into each pan (about 1 1/4 cup into each pan). Bake for 30 minutes, or until your cakes can pass the toothpick test.

"Pink- it's like red but not quite" (You're welcome, Mom, lifelong lover of all things Aerosmith).

 Let you cakes cool off in the pan for 5 minutes before turning out onto a cooling rack to cool completely. I made my cakes a day ahead of time, so I wrapped these in plastic wrap and put each into a freezer bag before freezing overnight. This made my frosting application an absolute breeze. Do try to freeze your cakes for at least 2 hours before frosting.

65th time's the charm, Swiss meringue...

I failed so miserably when I tried making maple Swiss meringue buttercream last month, that like any hard-headed, stubborn Capricorn, I simply could not let that stand. I was going to make this frosting pay for making me do something so vile--improvise--when it comes to cake. There are few things I am more passionate about that planning out an amazing dessert to the last detail: Vikings football, my dogs, and napping. That's about it. So to make this evil Swiss meringue buttercream pay, I used:

• 3 egg whites
• 1 cup Swerve granular
• 1 cup of butter, barely at room temp (I could press the stick of butter and have it gently give way, but not squish flat entirely)
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 tsp almond extract
• An iron will and tons of patience

Full disclosure, my frosting turned out a little grainy, but I think that's because I didn't whisk long enough while cooking my egg whites (note: more bicep workouts needed). Swerve granular isn't quite as fine as regular granular sugar, so the next time I make this, I will probably give it a quick swirl in the food processor first. I did use some tricks to make the texture work, but more on that later. First, the arduous prep work.

You're gonna need a lot of lemon.

 After the last catastrophe, I studied up on Swiss meringue buttercream (yes, I am a nerd, thank you). Swiss's mortal enemy is grease...and I here I thought the Swiss were always neutral about everything. So wipe down anything and everything that will come into contact with your egg white/sugar syrup. Whisks, mixing bowls, paddle attachments, your soul--all of it needs a good cleansing with a rag soaked in lemon juice.

Once done, crack eggs one at a time into a small metal or ceramic dish. If ANY yolk gets into your whites, dump it out and start over. It will not be able to whip up with any trace of yolk, so use the small dish so you can do this one at a time and not lose a ton of egg whites when the last egg you crack inevitably decides to betray you.

After each white is separated, dump it into the mixing bowl. Once all 3 are added, pour in the sugar. Fill a medium pot with 1 1/4 cup of water and bring to a low boil; reduce heat to a simmer, then place your mixing bowl with the whites and sugar on top of this. You don't want the water touching the bottom of the mixing bowl, so use a deep pot. Now whisk like your life depends upon it, because for the sake of your cake, it does.

You should continually whisk until your mixture reaches 160 degrees. My arm got sore and I am not an ambi-whisker, so I gave up at about 140 degrees, hence my meringue being a little grainy. Cooking the egg whites to the correct temp will help ensure its warm enough to dissolve all the sugar. You should be able to rub a little of the mixture between your thumb and index finger and not feel any grit--this is when you're ready to move on (I'd say give it 5-7 minutes of perilous whisking if you don't have a candy thermometer).

I didn't take photos during this epic ordeal because I was IN THE ZONE. Sorry. At this point, place your bowl into your stand mixer, turn it on high, and walk away for 10 minutes. You need to let your mixing bowl cool completely while it whips up the meringue, so check on it from 8-10 minutes out to ensure you have a light, fluffy bowl full of meringue. If you do, congrats--you have done the hard part, turn off the mixer and scrape the bowl. If not, do not pass go, do not collect $200. If your bowl is still too hot to the touch (should only be barely warm at this point), put everything in the freezer for 20 minutes and try whipping up again after the bowl is totally cool. Otherwise, there was probably grease or yolk that got in there, and you'll have to start over. Swiss meringue buttercream is a science, for sure. I should know. I am both a baker and a person who works in a science museum, so this is the best use of my trivial knowledge without a doubt.

Cut all the butter into tablespoon chunks, turn your mixer on medium, and add one tablespoon at a time, waiting until each chunk is incorporated before adding more. Things will get curdly and gross, but this is part of the process. Once all butter has been added, add in your extracts and return the mixer to high for 2-3 minutes, until the meringue is completely fluffy again. You can add in gel coloring now if you'd like, or pour yourself a very large, very well-deserved glass of wine.

Trust me, this part is a sinch compared to that frosting.

After dealing with "all that," making the chocolate cage and strawberries are an absolute delight. I used one bar of semisweet chocolate, pink and white sanding sugar, a #3 open tip, and several strawberries.

Told you, I plan out everything.

You will need to measure the diameter of your cake rounds and how tall they are stacked together to make your cage. My cakes were 18" in diameter, and about 4.5" inches high. So I took two strips of WAX paper (easier to peel off), and cut each to 9"x5" before very obviously free-handing a pattern for my cage with a Sharpie. Flip over and melt some chocolate!

This looks like the worst hedge maze ever created.

I broke up my chocolate bar and heated on 50% power for 1 minute in the microwave before giving a stir and heating an additional 30 seconds. I mixed it until completely smooth, then poured into a piping bag fitted with a #3 tip. I let this cool for about 20 minutes before piping onto my wax paper guide. Set this aside for 40 minutes.

Oh yes, I get it, Valentine's Day. I do. Chocolate makes everything sexy.

Once finished with your cage, drizzle lines of chocolate over 6-8 strawberries and immediately sprinkle with pink and white sanding sugar to adhere to the wet chocolate. Set these aside and get ready to frost your cake.

So...smooth.

Okay, as much of a pain it is to make, this frosting spreads, well, like something containing a ridiculous amount of butter. I frosted my entire cake and had it smoothed out in under 5 minutes. The amount of time spent whisking (and praying) earlier felt justifiable for how easy it was to cover an entire cake in this frosting. I spread a dollop onto my bottom layer of cake, and then to help offset the grainy texture that resulted from my impatience and bird-like arm strength, I brought more strawberries into the mix.

Thanks, ingenuity!

I thinly sliced 4 strawberries, placing half onto my bottom layer and the other half onto my middle layer of frosting. If you're grainy, this is a great way to give another texture--you can also add some sanding sugar so it totally looks like that's the what you were going for, but I just added a bit more frosting onto my strawberries before moving on and adding another layer of cake.

Thank you, baking gods.

 I didn't even need a crumb coat since my cakes were frozen, so I lathered on a thick layer of frosting all around and smoothed out with my bench scraper and a small angled spatula, and in no time flat, I had the world's smoothest cake without any special paper towel tricks or intermittent frosting freezing. Say that three times fast.

If it's not topped with sprinkles, it isn't finished.

I added pink and white sanding sugar on top because 1. It's pretty. And 2. Because I put sprinkles on everything. Then I checked on my chocolate cage. It should be firm to the touch but still pliable. This took 40 minutes for my design. It was still very slightly shiny, but my finger did not disrupt the surface of the chocolate when I touched it. I was told that was the magic moment, so I took each strip and placed it on my frosted cake.

There was lots of breath holding.

 You should be able to gently press the chocolate into the frosting layer to adhere it to the cake. I let this rest for 5 minutes to completely stick.

Reminder: you can breathe now.

Then, I very gently and slowly peeled the wax paper away from the chocolate. This was like that glorious moment when you get a new TV and peel the packaging off, but you don't get to eat the TV after you've done that, so this definitely wins for most satisfying peel-off moment.

Victory!

Repeat with the other sheet of wax paper, and you have won the cake game--go you. It really is quite simple and a lot of fun to make these cages, so I can't wait to do this again.

Don't forget the berries on top!

I evenly spaced out my drizzled strawberries, and found I had made one too many. Perhaps I had done this subconsciously so I could enjoy that extra strawberry as a reward for surviving Swiss meringue buttercream making. Thanks, past self. It was delicious.

Loops for dayyyyys.

 It is simple, but it is effective. It's a romantic cake, topped with sprinkles and strawberries, and the best way to celebrate international card and candy giving day. Well, it's the only way we are acknowledging it in this house until chocolate goes on sale, anyway. My husband is actually going to a concert with his husband on Valentine's Day, and I could not be happier for them...they're the most epic bromance since Matt and Ben or Turk and JD. And this means I get to watch Grey's Anatomy uninterrupted on Thursday night because I hate happiness. At least I have the cake?

The real MVP.

I gotta say, a super sweet American buttercream just doesn't do it for us anymore. Ever since going mostly sugar free, that level of tooth-rottingly sweet just makes us gag. The reason I wanted to perfect Swiss meringue buttercream is because it is a still a piping-consistency frosting just without that sickening sweetness. It's a nice, mellow flavor. A hint of sweet, but mostly smooth and rich. A silky, buttery flavor complimented by the vanilla and almond extract. This is now how I frost my cakes--so that means I get to try to figure out how to add copious amounts of Baileys to a Swiss meringue buttercream before Saint Patrick's Day. But this buttery goodness and that saccharine sweet strawberry cake are absolutely amazing together. Add in a little bit of chocolate cage and real strawberries, and this is the right amount of decadent. A whole slice leaves you perfectly content, without rotting out any teeth or inducing any gut bombs. Swiss meringue buttercream--you may be difficult, but like most difficult things (hi!), you're totally worth it in the end. 'Til next time, my fellow eaters!

Now that is a sultry-looking baked good. I'm coming around to ya, Valentine's Day. Oh no...I'm feeling feelings, but considering they're about cake, I guess that's not very surprising. Carry on!