Even the Dead Like Cake

I have been dying to get into my new kitchen and bake, but we have been so busy between moving into the new house, cleaning out the old house, having a spectacular time in Canada for our annual vacation, and pretty much having the best worst problems you can have as an adult that prevented me from doing so. We've been so busy that I didn't even decorate the outside of our new house for Halloween this year...I'm afraid all our new neighbors will think I'm normal. The horror. Halloween snuck up on us this year, like any holiday based around spooky spirits and mischief should, really, but I am so thankful that I at least had a few evenings after work to create one creepy cake before my favorite day of the entire year.We may have been the schmucks standing in line with the masses at Spirit Halloween for last minute costumes (my own personal hell--fitting, since I decided to go as the devil this year), but I will be damned if I have to do last minute Halloween dessert. To me, cake is a form of expression, and since the outside of my house looks completely normal, I amped the spookfest up to 11 inside. Literally, there's a dead guy trying to crawl his way out of my Halloween cake. Because, little known fact, Zombies also enjoy the taste of cake flesh (this is what I'm solely calling frosting from here on out). Prepare for a combination of "oohh" and "eww" with this vertical layer chocolate and vanilla cake with Salted Caramel Baileys buttercream frosting, chocolate ganache, skull decor, and delicious zombie fingers:

That's right, this way you get to eat the zombie and not the other way around.

For real, best fingers I've ever eaten right next to chicken. These were super easy to make, but then again, I think after making the vertical layer portion of the cake, rocket science would've felt easier, too. I tried a different approach from my last vertical layer cake, and this almost ended in near disaster and the saddest Halloween since my final year of being allowed to Trick or Treat. Thankfully, I could pull this one together and perform a resurrection of my nearly dead idea. This cake hits all the flavor high notes--not as spongy as my last vertical layer cake for sure, so the flavor shines much better. A combo forkful of vanilla layer mixed with chocolate layer, a thick slathering of Bailey's frosting (cake flesh), and a finish with smooth, rich chocolate ganache, and this cake is what I shall call "spellbinding." I save a huge bite of Oreo dirt crumbs, ganache, and frosting for last, and it's so good I forget who I am for a minute. I am then reminded that I am a woman who friggin' loves to eat cake, which is why I managed to knock this recipe down to 340 calories a slice for 16 slices total because it is technically one a half cakes, and I am technically the kind of person who sees that as a personal best eating challenge. Maybe next year I'll just dress up as a racoon and rifle through cakes and desserts at a Halloween party "in character."

I mean, I made a great devil (irony?), but I'd be an even better Trash Panda.

Now, if you're afraid to be haunted by a cake wreck, you can always skip vertical layers and make three 8-inch round cakes each in orange, purple, and black, and still make this amazingly stunning-yet-gross-looking cake. But there is something to be said for the vertical layers here because they really add to the cake's spooky scale. To make, you'll need:

• One box vanilla cake mix
• 10 ounces diet creme soda
• Orange and purple gel dye
• 2 egg yolks
• Meringue (see below)
• Half a box of chocolate cake mix
• 5 ounces diet cola (I used Cherry Coke Zero)
• Black gel dye
• 1 egg yolk
• Meringue (see below)

To make the meringue, you need 6 egg whites, 1/4 cup Swerve granular, and a stand mixer. Beat the egg whites on high for 5 minutes, until stiff peaks form. Blend in the Swerve on low. Set this aside in another bowl and prepare 2 jelly roll pans with foil: make two gutters--one for each cake color--on your first pan. You only need one gutter on your second pan. Spray with cooking spray. Preheat your oven to 350 and clean out your mixing bowl. Dump the vanilla cake mix, 2 egg yolks, and creme soda in. Mix on medium-high for 2 minutes. Take 2/3 of the meringue, and fold in on low until just mixed. Now, take another medium bowl (hi, we're using ALL your dished for this), and dump half the prepared cake batter into in. Dye one half of your cake mix a very deep purple and the other half a bright orange. Pour each color into a prepared foil gutter:

Oh yeah, it's about to get festive.

My new oven and I are still in the "Getting to know you" stage, but so far it has very pleasant, melodic alert tones (so soothing), the inside is bright purple (it's awesome), and it broils faster than the sun (sorry, tostadas), but convection bakes evenly. I ended up baking these for 16 minutes before resting on a cooling rack for 10 minutes still in the pan. I then tried "the towel rolling trick" used for jelly roll cakes...which I beg you not to do. Later, my unrolled and fully cooled cakes broke apart so easily that it was a tragedy and close to a Level 10 meltdown on my end (have some sympathy for the devil). Since I made these the same as my last vertical layer cake, this step was the only difference and led to tons of breakage instead of a few cracks here and there. Just flip your cakes onto Parchment paper, remove the foil, and let them finish cooling, sans towels, on top of a cooling rack while you make your next cake.

Pictured: a huge mistake.

While your purple and orange cakes cool, clean out your mixer bowl...again...and mix together half the chocolate cake mix, the soda, the remaining egg yolk, and blend for 2 minutes. Add in the black gel dye, mix well, and finish by folding in the last of the meringue on low. Turn into the final prepared gutter and bake until a toothpick comes out of the cake clean. Cool using the steps above until room temp.

I have never needed Baileys more in my life than in that towel incident.

I have not made my Baileys frosting in ages, so this seemed like a natural (and tasty) choice for a cake with vanilla and chocolate flavors. You'll need:

• 1 cup of butter at room temp
• 1 TBS of clear vanilla
• 2 12oz bags of Swerve confectioners
• 6 TBS Salted Caramel or regular Baileys
• Lime gel dye

Whip the butter in your super used and abused stand mixer bowl (sorry) until fluffy. Add in the vanilla, 3 TBS Baileys and one bag of Swerve. Blend well before adding the final bag and final 3 TBS of Baileys. I like to stand close to the bowl and let the scent of Baileys completely wash over me. I don't really drink, so this is my version of a contact drink I guess. Dye this SUPER DUPER LIMIEST OF LIME GREENS. Because lime green and black are the superior Halloween color combo (no one likes you, orange). Set this aside and turn your attention back to those vibrant cake strips!

If this was a color swatch, it would be labeled "Shrek green."

Once your cakes are cooled, cut the ends til they are even and trim the sides as needed so they're all the same width. You don't need as much of the orange cake, so you can trim about a 1/3 of it off and eat the scraps. You've earned this. Now, slather each strip with a thick layer of frosting and get ready to roll. Starting with the orange cake, gently roll up like a carpet (I've still got moving on the brain, apparently). Once rolled, set on the edge of the purple cake so the ends meet. Roll this onto the purple layer and continue rolling until you reach the end of that layer. Carefully place this massive stack of cake on the final black layer, ends meeting, and roll up. Things will crack here and there, which is fine, since cracks can get covered with frosting.

Definitely getting a Franken-vibe...

Roll your cake into several layers of plastic wrap and place on a cake round. I gently smooshed my cake on all sides to make sure the frosting layer was distributed evenly. Place this in the freezer for at least 2 hours to firm and set. I left mine overnight and put my remaining frosting in a Tupperware for the next day.

Soooo many hiding cracks...

Thanks, cake flesh, for covering the massive cracks all over this cake. Much like how my human flesh covers all my cracked joints (I assume, since everything pops a lot for no reason), this layer hides the boo-boos (not ghosts) of the towel rolling incident. When your cake is set, simply coat in a thick layer of frosting, ensuring you're using a lot of frosting in any areas with cracks to glue things together and create an even coat. You could crumb coat, but I skipped this since my cake was totally frozen and didn't have any crummies. I placed into the freezer for 30 minutes before removing to smooth out with the paper towel trick and putting back into the freezer for another 30-45 minutes (it was dinner time) before adding ganache. Ganache is liquid-hot magma, so you want an extremely firm buttercream before it goes on.

Time to make corpse fingers! Yeah!

With the cake fully prepped, it's time to move on to the delightful step of making dead guy fingers. I am strange. For the fingers, you need:

• 5 pretzel rods, cut into the size of your fingers
• 1/2 bag of lime green chocolate melts
• 5 almond slivers
• 8 Oreo thins, cream removed, possibly eaten...but do crush the remaining wafers
• Parchment paper 
• Toothpick

Once you've got the pretzels cut, melt your chocolate according to package instructions in a small but deep dish or Tupperware. Dip a rod all the way into the melted chocolate, then gently tap the rod on the side of the dish to remove excess coating. Gently set onto Parchment paper and place an almond sliver on top to give it a fingernail. Repeat! I made extra because I was sure I'd screw a few up. I think that's called being proactive self deprecation?

Like giving yourself the finger.

 Let these set up until they are no longer glossy, then take a toothpick and gently roll little lines in to create knuckles:

This was a lot of fun and totally creepy.

 Give these at least 30 minutes to finish setting before you put them on the cake. While you're waiting, make your ganache by dumping 2 TBS of skim milk and 1/2 cup of semisweet chocolate chips into a bowl. Melt on 50% power for 1 minute, mix, and repeat if needed. Pour this into a liquid measuring cup and let it cool and thicken for 5-10 minutes.

Frankenstein's monster? Is that you?

Decidedly, you could forgo the fingers and just make this Frankenstein's monster's head and pipe on eyes, mouth, and bolts. BUT the fingers are the piece de resistance, so stay the course. Pour ganache on your cake and smooth out with an angled spatula, pushing ganache onto the sides. Sprinkle Oreo crumbs in the middle of the ganache where the fingers will be clawing their way out of the cake.

Oh yes. Full spookiness achieved.

Carefully wiggle each finger into the cake to make it look like a hand is coming up out of the ground. I pretty much modeled how this would look with my own hand (ominous) and then put into the cake with that image in mind. Even after picturing my hands crawling out of the grave, still wanted cake, so a testament to my gluttony.

Always finish with sprinkles. Always.

I had these adorable skull sprinkles leftover from my witch hat cookies, so I created a border around my cake by gently placing into the side one at a time. This took it to the next level for me and was a great finishing touch...from a cake that could reach out and touch you, so that's saying something.

Alternatively, he could just be waving hello.

Let your cake sit in the fridge for a few hours to firm up the ganache before serving. Since you want to be able to slice clean layers, a chilled cake will really help with this. You will get some Oreo crumbs in your layers when you slice, but they're worth it for the dirt effect they give.

A few crumbs, but still, totally Halloween appropriate.

The COLORS are so bright and still so spooky and perfectly Halloween. I am so happy this cake still turned out okay even with the massive cracks from the towel incident. Thank God cake flesh can hold it all together! This really is one of my favorite Halloween bakes of all time, and since it was a labor of love with the vertical layers, I appreciate it even more and think that this definitely helped make it taste even better (but it's probably just the Baileys). While I spend actual Halloween night with all the lights off, hiding from children (my #1 nightmare), I'm just extremely happy I get to spend it with this cake, too. Each bite has amazing flavor, and those fingers are flipping delicious. I am going to watch Hocus Pocus and Nightmare Before Christmas about 5 more times in the next three days, ensconce myself in black and skulls, and just really let my weird little light shine because "This is Halloween!" The most wonderful time of the year! One of the last days before you're hit in the face with Christmas music for two months straight and sanity-questioning gift shopping. 'Til next time, my fellow eaters!

Peek-a-boo!