C'est la Lemon

There were a few blissful mornings last week when the humidity was below "tropical jungle" level and a nice chill swept the air on my early morning dog walks. Hocus Pocus and the Addams Family movies were playing on Freeform in the evenings, August had dawned upon us, and it finally felt like we might be moving into fall. After those lovely 48 hours, Florida punched me in the face with high temps, even higher humidity, and essentially sucked my will to live away from me--much like Winifred Sanderson sucking the soul out of a small child to live forever (I make a reference to Hocus Pocus at least once a day, so just deal with it). Summer still has me in its evil, sweaty clutches, and there's no end in sight. I decided that just to spite it (and because I like cupcakes), I was going to make the most summery dessert I could think of--lemon cream filled lemon cupcakes with Cool Whip and blueberries on top. I promised my husband to at least wait until September to unpack the Halloween decorations and start putting pumpkin into everything we eat. But know that I'm positively dying to put up my new Dia de los Muertos decorations while smelling the sumptuous scents of pumpkin and cinnamon wafting through my house. Summer, you will always be my least favorite season, but damned if I don't also love lemon as much as pumpkin spice.

It's just so zesty.

Since I want to be able to maintain my competitive eater level of appetite whilst still being able to rock a bikini year round (thanks, Florida), each lemon cream filled cupcake is only 100 calories a cupcake. In my head, this means I can eat three of them and still be eating fewer calories than a regular, sugar-laced cupcake. For people who don't have impulse control issues, this means you can eat a very lemony, very creamy, very delectable cupcake with literally no guilt. And dear sweet baby Jesus are these ever amazing. Try to eat just one...I dare you. I made a whole batch of 24 and froze half "for later." Later in this context probably means this weekend.

I'd like to thank the good folks at Coca-cola for making this possible.

To make the cupcakes, all you need is a box of lemon cake mix, 2 egg whites, and 10 ounces of Sprite Zero or other diet citrus soda. Preheat your oven to 350 and line a muffin tin with cupcake papers. Mix together the egg whites, soda, and cake mix for 2 minutes on medium-high. Take a cookie scoop or a tablespoon and plop the cupcake dough into your liners, filling 2/3 of the way full. Bake for 12-15 minutes until a toothpick comes out clean.

They will both look and smell lemony.

Fattest. Blueberries. Ever.

 Let your cupcakes rest in your pan for 5 minutes and then remove to a cooling rack to allow to fully cool. Meanwhile, you can gather up the filling ingredients:

• 1 cup of skim milk
• 1 box of sugar free vanilla pudding
• 1 box of sugar free lemon Jello
• 24 blueberries
• 4-6 ounces of Cool Whip Free

I had to do some mad science because I couldn't find sugar free lemon pudding; if you can, omit the lemon Jello and make the pudding following box instructions and ingredients. But because I could not obtain lemon sugar free pudding, I had a hypothesis to test--can Jello and Jello pudding be mixed together? Differing temperatures, differing consistencies...it was risky, but ultimately, the answer is a resounding hell to the yes. Go, Science!

Not urine. Promise.

 I brought two cups of water to a boil and then turned off my burner. I stirred in the lemon Jello for 2 minutes with a whisk. I then placed this in a measuring cup and put it in the freezer to cool. You don't want the milk in your pudding mix to curdle, so definitely let this cool to a little above room temperature.

My whisk was working hard that day.

 Then I dumped my vanilla pudding mix and one cup of skim milk into a cold mixing bowl. I whisked until my arms almost fell off. I'm told by box instructions and a kitchen timer that 2 minutes of pure cardio whisking is about all my fragile, bird-like limbs can handle.

Worth it.

Once my Jello had cooled in the freezer, I poured a half a cup into my pudding mix, whisked until incorporated, and then poured another half a cup into the pudding mix, blending well again. You will have another cup of lemon Jello leftover, so pour this into a bowl, cover with plastic wrap, and enjoy the feeling of eating hospital food at home and have it with your lunch. Let your lemon Jello/vanilla pudding mix rest for about 10 minutes to firm up and then place into a piping bag or a Ziplock bag. Wait to snip the end off for right now.

Now, back to the baked goods.

 Once your cupcakes are completely cool, take a cupcake corer, apple corer, or be janky like me because I don't have these things and use a large round frosting tip to core out the middle of your cupcake and make room for that delicious science experiment we just successfully implemented in the previous steps. I wiggled my piping tip halfway into the cupcake and gently pulled it out of the cupcake to remove the center:

Excellent reservoir for pudding filling.

 Then I grabbed my piping bag of filling, snipped the end off, and filled each of my cupcakes to the brim!

And I was so, so happy there was leftover filling.

Much like the lemon Jello, you'll have some leftover filling. Works great after lunch with a dollop of Cool Whip Free, or straight out of the piping bag and into your mouth. I've tested both options out, and personally, I love it either way. Definitely classier to eat it out of the bowl. Place your filled cupcakes into the freezer for an hour to firm up.

No method to this madness, however.

 Once your cupcake centers have set, load up a piping bag with a piping tip and Cool Whip Free. If you can find the sugar free lemon pudding mix, you can always blend your Cool Whip Free with another 3.4 ounces of sugar free vanilla pudding and a bit of milk. I used a 2D tip to just randomly pipe stars, hydrangeas, whatever my little heart desired in the moment, and finished up with a blueberry on top of each cupcake. I really, really just wanted to see how my lemon cream filling turned out...

Mmm, lemony center...

Oh yes, it was the perfect consistency after these sat in the fridge for a half hour to thaw out from their trip to the freezer earlier. Thick, but still liquid in consistency. Like a Boston cream filled donut, but in lemon form. I'm not lying when I say I feel like something that rich should be way more than 100 calories a pop, but I'm so happy they aren't because I can shovel them away with reckless abandon. I love lemon flavoring, and these cupcakes are the best way for me to grin and bear the remaining days of summer. Hard to complain when you've got a mouth full of cupcake, after all. 'Til next time, my fellow eaters!

I could eat all six right now, just sayin'.

Must Love Pupcakes

Did you know that dog food gets taste tested by humans? I start this blog off with that particular tidbit of information because the recipe I'm about to show you is definitely for dogs, but it looks good enough for human consumption. I'm not gonna judge you if you make these for your beloved pooch and accidentally snag a bite. Your dog might though. I always make my dogs a special treat for their birthday, whether it's cookies, cakes, or pupcakes, Hank and Freyja probably get more decadent treats than most people do on their special day...considering my husband and I belong to the generation of Millennials that bought a house just to have dogs, this really isn't all that surprising. I love my dogs and spoil them accordingly. I will show you photo after photo of how adorable they are, clog up your news feed with said photos, and continue to remind you regularly that dogs are the best thing to ever exist. But no, in return, I really don't want to look at your actual baby's photos. Unless your baby has 4 legs. And cute snout. And is definitely a dog. Then we're good. Remember, your kids are only adorable to you and your immediate family, but dogs are adorable to everyone. I will, however, also accept photos of your kids with dogs; this is the one exception to the rule.

I just hope your child's ears aren't as big as my kiddos are.

Blueberry mini pupcakes--the dogs essentially told me these were a hit by devouring a few in under 15 seconds. I had them each try a blueberry before I made these to make sure they'd like them. Hank inhaled it. Freyja looked at me like I had betrayed her with this tiny sour ball that most definitely was not the peanut butter she was hoping for, but ultimately, she ate it. While I don't do calorie counting for dogs (yet...), I limit these to 1 and 1/2 pupcakes per dog, per day, mixed in with a little less kibble for dinner. The recipe yields 18 mini pupcakes total and is an absolute cinch to throw together for your four-legged companions (or yourself...).

I mean, minus the dog food, this is all good stuff to eat!

You only need a few staple pantry items and some blueberries to make these. I adapted this recipe. Round up:

• 3 tbs crushed dog kibble
• 1/3 cup plus 3 TBS whole wheat flour
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 2 tsp honey
• 1 egg
• 1/3 cup skim milk
• 2/3 cup fresh blueberries + 18 blueberries for garnish

Start by preheating your oven to 350 and line a mini muffin tin with mini cupcake papers. Lightly grease your cupcake papers. Alternatively, you could reaaaallly grease up your mini muffin tin and skip the liners all together.

Ensure you have a good buddy on hand to clean up any floor spills.

 Mix together the crushed kibble, flour, and baking powder in the bowl of your stand mixer. I turned around after doing this to see Hank (as pictured above) and knew in that moment he had figured out whatever I was making, it was definitely for him. He's smarter than most of the people I know, I swear. Dump in the milk, egg, honey, and blueberries to the dry mix and blend for a minute on medium high. You want the berries to break up a bit so the doggos can chew them easily.

Now, take a cookie scoop, and grease it well.

These don't bake up much, so fill a little over 2/3 full with the help of your cookie scoop or a tablespoon scoop.

Since these mini pupcakes are, well, mini, they only need to bake for about 10 minutes in the oven. Test with a toothpick--you shouldn't have any batter come out on a cooked pupcake. Avoid aiming for a blueberry cluster when you test though. Unless you like to lick blueberry juice off a toothpick. And I do. So I may have done this "test" a couple times.

Let rest on a cooling rack for 10 minutes.

Then remove and allow 30 minutes to fully cool, all the while marveling that these look like tiny blueberry muffins and definitely something you want to try a bite of.

These are definitely safe for your consumption.

 To frost your pupcakes, fit a piping bag with a 1M tip, and load the bag with a little bit of whipped cream cheese. I simply piped little stars on top of my pupcakes by holding the bag directly over the pupcake and piping a small mound on top:

And they were super tiny and super adorable. I could probably fit four of these in my mouth at one time. I know my dogs would double that.

Finish off by gently pressing a blueberry into each star.

"Mother, I am hungry."

 Once frosted, keep these in the fridge until ready to serve at your dog's birthday party, obedience school graduation, dog wedding, or whatever other ridiculous shindig we dog folk continue to come up with every year to celebrate our beloved canines. Be sure to unwrap these before serving to your pup. They definitely aren't discerning when it comes to eating paper...I mean, they kinda have a reputation for it. No one ever said their cat at their homework, after all. But I promise you they will love them, and they will show this love by burping in your face directly after eating them and then licking you to death with blueberry kibble breath. And it will be wonderful, because dogs just are.

It's blurry because he was wolfing them down like he hadn't eaten in days (it had literally been an hour since his last meal).

Hank turned six(ish..rescue dogs don't come with birth certificates!) today, and I just want to stop time. No matter how many years I get with this dog, it will never be enough. He is my soul mutt, and when he looks me in the eye, my icy cold heart turns into complete mush. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my dogs, including but not limited to: waking up at 5 a.m. to walk them 7 days a week, bake them fancy treats, brush their teeth every few days to recover from said treats, cuddle them with reckless abandon, let them sleep on me and refuse to move for fear of waking them, and basically give them more love than I ever knew I had in me. That's the great thing about dogs--they are steadfast in how much they love you. A crappy day is always ended quickly when wagging tails and cold noses are there to greet you at home. The least I can do in return is spoil my dogs to what may seem a borderline ridiculous amount to some, but not to me--or to Hank and Freyja. 'Til next time, my fellow eaters! Go cuddle your pups!